


Beyond the Deep

by cchickki



Series: Mass Effect [1]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Lovecraftian, Lovecraftian Monster(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:14:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 29,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26731939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cchickki/pseuds/cchickki
Summary: As the fight against the Reapers races toward a conclusion, Adrienne Shepard receives evidence that her missing father is alive. As Shepard searches for answers, she begins to uncover secrets that are sinister, ancient, and beyond her comprehension. She soon learns that the Reapers could only be the beginning of their galaxy's extermination - Set during ME3 & beyond - Custom Shep
Relationships: Kaidan Alenko/Female Shepard
Series: Mass Effect [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1945597
Comments: 6
Kudos: 8





	1. Nightmare

**Author's Note:**

> After years of posting on ff.net, I have decided to upload this fanfiction on Ao3. I will be updating on both sites when I post a new chapter. Enjoy!

Cold… dark… hollow…

The three words forcefully echoed in Shepard's head – the pounding of each syllable made her ears ring, and her L3 biotic amp throb painfully at the base of her skull. The void she peered into didn't feel empty but inhabited by something foreign, terrifying, and beyond her mere comprehension. She could feel the presence of unknown eyes watching her like a physical weight against her pale skin. She was suspended in the air as if she'd been spaced. The darkness had made it so she was unable to see her own body. A voice so deep and sinister spoke to her, its malevolent tone beckoning her to join it. She could hear the voice speaking in her head, but also out loud in unison. She was beyond frightened, but she was floating in nothingness and knew she wouldn't be able to escape whatever fate was waiting for her. She felt like prey, and whatever was the source of this monstrous voice was toying with her.

**You are an anomaly Shepard, but that will not aid you in defeating the Reapers. You will become enthralled in the Darkness, you will succumb to the fate awaiting you.**

Shepard opened her mouth to answer, but to no avail. Her voice came out in a croaking, strangled sound that resonated deep in her throat. Communicating by thought also proved unsuccessful, the only words that would manifest were the same three words: Cold. Dark. Hollow.

 **The Reapers are more ancient than you can fathom – but they are not the greatest threat in the galaxy or even the universe. There are worse fates awaiting beyond the Milky Way, Shepard**.

The strange voice sounded nearly in awe of what it was describing. Imagining a greater threat than the Reapers didn't seem possible to her. Her mind began reeling, images of things she couldn't comprehend flooded senses. It was like her experience with Prothean beacons, but this was more invasive and violent. She felt as if she was being stretched and torn, the pain from inside her body coming to a boiling point like she'd combust. Shepard tried to let out a wail of agony, her voice still silenced by an invisible force squeezing at her throat. Even in her panic the same three words were still repeating in her head: cold, dark, hollow. She felt as if her body was being broken down on a molecular level – the unbearable feeling worse than when she was spaced and died being pulled into Alchera's atmosphere. The torture seemed to drag on for too long, but time and space were nonexistent in this unknown place. Shepard for a moment thought she had died and gone to hell.

**You will discover the truth-**

The terrible voice abruptly cut off.

* * *

Shepard's eyelids flew open. She found herself in her Captain's Cabin, staring out the window on the ceiling that peered out into the stars. Familiarity began to flood back to her as she realized she was in a safe place that was her own. The darkness had subsided, the only void left was space outside the Normandy. Shepard's breathing was ragged as her heart pounded relentlessly in her chest. Her long black hair had come undone in her restless tossing and turning, tangled and stuck to the cold sweat that drenched her body. She sat up slowly, her head spinning from dizziness so intense she thought she would vomit. She clutched her forehead, squeezing her eyes shut as she helplessly wished for the sensation to end, her body trembling badly under her bedsheets. It felt as if her biotic amp had been torn out of her head. She audibly moaned in discomfort. Kaidan shifted in the covers beside her, stirring in his sleep but he didn't wake. He slept comfortably beside her, unaware of the terror she had just experienced.

 _It was just a bad dream..._ she told herself.

Shepard hoisted herself up and off the bed with great effort, being careful not to wake Kaidan in the process. She didn't want him to worry about her, and she couldn't explain her mystery ailment to him anyway. She dragged her feet to the bathroom, continuing to grasp her head in a meek effort to make herself feel stabilized. She made it to the bathroom sink, gripping its corners and leaning fully into it for support. She dared look at herself in the mirror, wondering if she looked as bad as she felt. Her reflection appeared pathetic, her naked body still shaking from the horrific nightmare she had.

When she woke up in that Cerberus facility nearly a year ago, her body felt foreign, her skin stretched, scarred and raw. She had looked terrible, granted she had just came back from the dead, literally. Now she had grown used to her new body and the changes Cerberus instilled without her consent, but the disorienting sensation was similar to being summoned to rise from the Lazarus Project. For a moment she wondering if her body was rejecting her cybernetic implants, although too much time had passed for that to logically happen now.

She ran the water as cold as it could go and splashed it in her face, hoping the mild shock would jolt her back into reality and out of her paranoid thoughts. She dared glanced back at her reflection, noting how she looked like she had come off a week-long bender. Her eyes, dark like coal, appeared red-rimmed with dark circles like a raccoon's. Her long hair, a feature she had always been proud of, cascaded down her back in a tangled, knotted, and sweaty mess. Her skin, already pale from being born a spacer kid and never living under sunshine her entire life, was now close to the shade of cow's milk. The freckles that riddled her face contrasted against her pale complexion more than usual. She looked was drained. Her stomach began to lose its muscular, taut appearance, now she just looked skinny from her lack of appetite these last few weeks. Shepard gimped weakly to the shower and turned it on cold, standing fully under it. She leaned against the shower wall, the cold tile pressing to her skin, causing goosebumps to break out across her body. Her breathing started to slow as did her heart rate, her mind calming under the water pressure. Her piercing headache began to reside, much to her tremendous relief. She was hoping the chilling dream would fade away, but the feeling still clung to her mind. She rubbed her eyes until she saw a burst of stars from behind her eyelids.

_Cold. Dark. Hollow._

The presence of the bad dream remained despite her best efforts to establish normalcy, like she was being haunted by an apparition. Shepard began to wonder if it had been a nightmare at all, it felt more like a vision similar to the Prothean beacons on Eden Prime, Virmire, and Thessia, but more powerful. The images then were unclear but could gradually be pieced together what the message meant, but the one she had experienced in the void in her nightmare – it was impossible for her brain to even conjure up what she saw. It was like her brain couldn't process what it was being shown, it was too advanced for her to understand. The voice had taunted her like it knew that her mind was so primitive compared to the presence in the darkness. The scary voice had also sounded familiar to her, much to her dismay.

Shepard turned off the shower, the comfort of reality fleeting once again. Frightening possibilities began to dawn on her, the dizziness coming back much to her reluctance. Had the voice been Leviathan? Harbinger? Was this the beginning stages of Indoctrination?

"Shepard?" A drowsy, masculine voice said.

Shepard jumped, startled, whirling around and nearly slipping on the wet surface of the shower floor. Kaidan stood in the bathroom doorway, taken aback by her sudden fright, went hurriedly over to Shepard. He grasped her shoulders, steadying her frame. His brown eyes studied the commander, noting with concern how frazzled and meek she appeared before him.

"Shepard? What happened?" He asked, worried.

"What? Uh- nothing, I'm fine," Shepard replied quickly, unable to fully look him in the eyes, her head still spinning.

She felt guilty for waking him, but even worse for showing weakness. Even in front of Kaidan, a man she loved, a man she wasn't afraid to show her vulnerability. But now she felt exposed in a shameful way before him.

"No, there's something wrong. You look like you haven't slept in days, Shepard."

She tried to shake her head, her head rattling painfully with the movement. She lowered her head, thankful that her wet hair hung in front of her face covering her eyes from his knowing gaze. She couldn't bring herself to tell him about the nightmares. She was the leading command of the fight against the Reapers, the Crucible was nearly finished and the main attack would be commencing soon. She couldn't tell him how afraid she was of a dream she continuously was having, it felt stupid to fear something like that when the Reapers were purging the galaxy.

"Shepard, please," Kaidan pleaded, softly, his hands gently moving her wet, stringy hair away from her face. "You can talk to me, you know that."

"There's nothing wrong, Kaidan, let's just go back to bed," Shepard replied, exhausted already from the encounter.

She tried to push past him, but she was too weak at the moment. "I just need some sleep, and I'm just stressed, that's all." She attempted to assure him, but Kaidan didn't appear to be convinced.

"You sure?" He questioned again, letting go of her shoulders so they could return to bed. He grabbed a towel and draped it around her body.

Shepard walked past him, her steps slow and cautious like she'd topple over. Kaidan started to grow more concerned as he watched her. She had been acting peculiar and distant lately and continued to write it off as stress from the Crucible project. He had believed her at first, knowing anyone would be full of anxiety with the fate of trillions of lives riding on their shoulders, but Shepard had always carried herself with a sense of confidence and accomplishment. Shepard dried off and dropped the towel to the floor, her naked body crawling back under the covers of the bed. She told him again that she just needed sleep, her voice sounding a bit sterner, but not by much. Kaidan was still unconvinced but decided he'd ask her again in the morning. He sighed and crawled back into bed with her. He gently placed a hand on her back, but she didn't roll over to face him. Her coldness stung him, but he didn't want to push her further to the point where she would close off completely. She laid with her back toward him, thinking guiltily how she was excluding him from the obstacle she was facing. But was it even an obstacle? She'd never had a nightmare affect her this deeply.

 _Get it together! You need to sleep so you can stay focused. Tomorrow you have meetings and progress reports to write. The Normandy needs maintenance, so you'll need to double-check on that request for a furlough from Admiral Hackett,_ Shepard thought, listing her responsibilities the early morning would bring.

Her stomach growled emptily, begging for nourishment. Her biotics burned off calories too quickly for her reduced appetite to keep up with. She pulled her covers tightly over her, hoping Kaidan wouldn't her stomach indicating hear how hungry she was. She had never kept secrets like this from him, but he could easily read her even when her guard was up. He was already aware that something was wrong.

After some time passed, Kaidan barely slept the rest of the night shift. He listened to Shepard peacefully snooze beside him, relieved that she was able to rest at least. As the hours went on, Kaidan got out of bed earlier than he usually did. He dressed himself with his clothes that had been discarded on the floor the night before, and exited Shepard's cabin. Kaidan took the elevator down to the third level and headed straight to the med bay, knowing Dr. Chakwas morning shift would have just started. He entered, taking the doctor by surprise.

"Major Alenko, it's awfully early," Dr. Chakwas greeted from her desk, her coffee mug in her hand.

"Yes, I know, I'm sorry, doctor."

Dr. Chakwas took a sip of her coffee, expectantly waiting on Kaidan to continue.

"I'm worried about Commander Shepard," he began, his voice trailing off slightly.

Dr. Chakwas, like many of the old-breed Alliance personnel, disapproved of his and Shepard's fraternizing from the beginning. Their relationship had treaded on thin ice since the start on the SR-1, although the risk of being court-martialed currently was slim to none. But back then he had been kept away from even speaking to Shepard when she returned to Earth after defeating the Collectors and cutting all ties with Cerberus. She had turned herself in as she had promised to Admiral Hackett after she destroyed the Bahak System. Kaidan had desperately wanted to see her, but Anderson and the rest of the Alliance higher-ups forbid it. Things had changed drastically since then, but still Kaidan could see the twinge slight opposition in Dr. Chakwas' eyes.

"Worried about the Commander how?"

"She seems to be under extreme stress, and isn't acting herself. She doesn't even look like herself lately, and she's so distant."

Dr. Chakwas placed her mug down on the desk and picked up her datapad, scanning it briefly but efficiently with her aged eyes.

"The Commander did have a psych-eval scheduled for today. It was originally suggested by Admiral Anderson and Admiral Hackett," Chakwas read. "Under the circumstances, anyone would be stressed."

Chakwas returned the datapad to her desk. Kaidan acknowledged she wasn't allowed to disclose any further medical information regarding one of her patients, even with the status of his relationship to Shepard. He knew that Anderson was also worried about Shepard, he had sent Kaidan an email asking about her. Anderson mentioned that Shepard hadn't been responding to any of his emails or video calls, something very unusual for Shepard to ignore. Kaidan felt for the man fighting the losing battle on Earth.

"You aren't the only one who asked about Commander Shepard," Chakwas spoke, her voice breaking the pregnant silence. "Ever since you and Javik brought her into the med bay after that mission you had on 2181 Desponia, she seems almost disturbed."

Kaidan watched the doctor, her eyes looking down into her coffee mug as she was pondering the details. The doctor had scanned Shepard after that mission, who was suffering from a nose bleed, chills, and a pounding headache after her deep dive and encounter with the previously unknown creatures Leviathan. Her complaints of symptoms hadn't went past that as the doctor probed her with questions, Shepard had grown tight-lipped. Even the mission report Shepard had typed and turned into the Alliance had been vague on details.

"I think whatever she experienced down in that ocean, communicating with Leviathan or something else... I think it changed her. Something spooked her and she's not saying what..."

Chakwas nodded solemnly and sighed deeply, her concern for Shepard was clearly etched on her face.

"I will do what I can medically for her, but anxiety isn't something I can just magically whisk away. I will try my best, Major, you know that. In the meantime, do what you can to help her. Talk to her, even if she seems unwilling to talk, attempt to make her comfortable," Chakwas advised.

Kaidan nodded, knowing that was the extent of his suggestions. He would have to try and reach out to her again, but in the meantime Shepard needed sleep more than anything.

"Thank you, doctor."

* * *

Shepard awoke again with a start, disoriented. She was surprised that she was able to even fall asleep after her awful nightmare. She realized Kaidan wasn't next to her, and threw off her covers, agitated that she had slept in. She quickly dressed herself in her Alliance fatigues, remembering to feed her fish and hamster before she left her cabin. She noticed her terminal light was blinking and decided to read her emails before she went down to the CIC. Specialist Traynor would tell her to check her messages, anyway.

There were two emails from Anderson, which she had guiltily been avoiding, and still left them unopened. One from Hackett was an approval request for the Normandy to receive maintenance, and for the crew to take a short shore leave while they wait. He also informed her that the Crucible would be done in about a week if not sooner. Another was from Miranda regarding the tracer she placed on Kai Leng, urging Shepard to track him to the Cerberus headquarters as soon as possible. The unexpected Leviathan mission had really made her fall behind, she thought to herself meekly. Learning about the Reapers creation was important, but she was left with more questions than answers. And the mark that apex species left on her...

Another email caught her eye. She saw that the sender was her mother, Hannah Shepard. Curious, Shepard clicked on the message, wondering if her mother was just giving updates from the Kilimanjaro from her work on the Crucible. She felt bad for keeping little contact with her mother, and now she wondered if she'd even be able to visit her with the circumstances surrounding the survival of the Milky Way.

_From: Mom_

_Adrienne, I don't have much time to explain, as I know we're both busy and rushing to stop the destruction of the human race. God, what terrible times we are in. But I am writing to you in grave urgency. You know the SSV Munich and how it went missing years ago..._

_Well, a frigate has found evidence of where it disappeared to. After all these years, a distress signal was found. There is an audio recording of your father, Adi... I know how this sounds, but I can still recognize Yuudai's voice, even after all these years. He states his name in the recording, I attached it to this message, you can listen for yourself if you need more proof._

_I know this is a lot to process, and I can't imagine the amount of stress you're already under, but can you please do a favor for me? Christ, more for you, Adrienne. Can you go investigate the source of this distress signal? There's a chance someone could be toying with the Alliance, even trying to get to you, and that's a horrible thing. Please... we both should know the truth, we need the closure. If you are unable to I understand, and I'm sorry for springing this on you, but I don't know anyone else who is willing or able to see what is going on. I attached the coordinates to this message as well._

_Let me know - and stay strong and safe, sweetie._

_Love, Captain Hannah_

Shepard's throat went completely dry, her previous fear of her nightmare forgotten. She sat at her desk for what felt like a few minutes before even moving, staring at the email, trying to process what she had just read. A trembling hand covered her mouth. She hovered over the attachment of the recorded distress call, scared to even listen to it. She hadn't heard her father's voice since she was twelve years old. She had mourned and accepted that the missing Alliance vessel he was one was most likely lost to pirating, raided and then blown up. There were a lot of ways for ships to go missing in space, but now she had possible evidence that the ship was found and her father was alive. She swallowed and brought up the audio.

_"This is Major Yuudai Kobayashi of the Alliance SSV Munich! Something went w- [unintelligible static] Systems suddenly beca- [unintelligible static] We are in the Zelene System, I repeat in the Z- [unintelligible static] in the Cresc- [unintelligible static] If anyone can hear this, please contact Alliance officials immediately! We need he- [unintelligible static]"_

The recording cut off with a loud hiss of static. Shepard kept her hands over her lips, now trembling more than she did before. She knew that it really was her father. She stood up and rushed out of her cabin, tying her hair back in a loose, messy ponytail. There was not time to get ready, she had to hurry and alert the crew and Admiral Hackett with what was going on. She banged on the elevator button to take her to CIC, pacing anxiously as it steadily moved down.

As the elevator opened, she ran out, startling Traynor and some of the crew members idling by. Shepard dashed toward the cockpit, weaving around confused crew members, making one of them spill their coffee on the Normandy floor.

"Commander? Commander!" Traynor called, bewildered by her erratic behavior.

"Joker!" Shepard cried as she ran up behind the pilot in the cockpit, making both him and EDI swivel around in their seats, surprised.

"Commander, the hell? You look like shit. What's going on?" Joker questioned, his brows furrowed as he stared at Shepard.

"Did something happen, Shepard?" EDI added.

"Set course for the Crescent Nebula, it's urgent," Shepard replied hastily, "I'll explain in a bit."

"Whoa, wha- wait a minute. We're already scheduled and on the way to the Citadel, per yours and Hackett's instructions. The Normandy is due for maintenance, remember? Mandatory maintenance needed before we go after Cerberus," Joker countered.

"This takes priority, we need to go the Crescent first, like I said it's urgent!"

"Shepard, wait-"

Shepard turned on her heel and was rushing in the opposite direction now as Joker called after her.

"I need to inform Hackett!" She yelled over her shoulder at Joker.

"The hell is going on here? EDI, do you have any idea?" Joker turned toward the AI.

"No, but I can go see," EDI suggested.

"Yeah, listen in on whatever she says to Hackett, I gotta know where to steer the ship after all. Damn, this ruins all my plans..." Joker grumbled, turning his focus back on flight controls. He slowed the Normandy's speed down nearly to a complete halt.

"Very well, Jeff," EDI chimed, tuning into the War Room.

Immediately when Shepard reached the War Room, she paged Admiral Hackett on the vidcom, jittery and anxious for him to answer. His holographic image manifested, raising his eyebrows slightly at Shepard's unkempt appearance.

"Commander Shepard, what is going on?" Hackett questioned.

"Sir, I just received a message from my mother, Captain Hannah Shepard. She received evidence that the missing cruiser the SSV Munich has been found. The distress signal came from the Crescent Nebula in the Zelene System, sir. There's also an audio recording, it's my father Major Yuudai Kobayashi..." Shepard rambled breathlessly.

Hackett appeared stunned by her news. His hand rubbed his chin in thought as he processed what Shepard had just told him.

"You're certain? That cruiser has been missing for about twenty years. And the probability of the crew, including your father, being alive and undetected after all this time seems very low. This sounds very suspicious, it could be a trap."

Shepard shook her head in frustration at the Admiral's response. She brought up her omni-tool and prepared the audio for him.

"No, _I know_ my father's voice, it would be too elaborate and difficult to get a faked recording from an Alliance soldier who has been suspected dead twenty years ago, here, listen," Shepard played Hackett the recording.

"Is there any indication how old that distress signal is?" Hackett asked.

"No..." Shepard answered mildly, "but that doesn't matter. Sir, I already set a course for the Crescent Nebula. I need to know, and if I don't go now there's a chance I might never be able to find out what happened to my father, or if he's still alive."

Hackett didn't respond.

"Please, sir, my mother and I... we need closure," Shepard pleaded.

"Okay, Commander. I will reschedule the maintenance for the Normandy. Be sure to let your crew knows shore leave will be postponed, how they react is on you, Commander. I understand the importance of this to you, but don't let it take away from the main objective, Commander. We can't afford any further delays," Hackett replied, briskly.

Back in the cockpit, EDI sat silently as Joker waited for her to report in on what was going on with Shepard.

"So, what's going on? Did she speak with Hackett? I need to know what I'm supposed to be doing," Joker exclaimed, a bit annoyed as he signaled toward the controls of the ship.

"It's about Shepard's father," EDI replied slowly, calculated, "we are going to see if he's still alive."


	2. The Briefing

Shepard gathered everyone into the War Room after her meeting with Admiral Hackett. Her crew watched her pace appearing frazzled as she used her omni-tool to project a holographic image up for the crew to observe. An image of a solar system appeared as Shepard hastily typed into her omni-tool; the silence of the room growing more and more prominent.

"Shepard, does this have something to do with your discussion with Admiral Hackett?" EDI inquired amongst the quiet, startling Shepard's private thoughts.

"Were you eavesdropping on me?" Shepard questioned, defensively, suddenly angry by the lack of privacy.

"Jeff and I were worried, I thought the deception necessary to receive answers, my apologies," EDI replied, her synthetic voice had a slight pitch of shame to it.

"What's going on, Commander? I thought we were headed to the Citadel, why the change in direction?" James asked.

Shepard sighed heavily, gathering her thoughts as she planned on how to brief her crew on something so personal, something that wasn't considered a priority to the Alliance, or the Reaper threat for that matter. Shepard turned to look at the holographic model, thinking about her father being in danger and trapped for decades in the Terminus Systems. The uneasiness she felt didn't fully deter her from her great need to find out the truth and possibly save her father.

"My mother, Captain Hannah Shepard, discovered a distress signal out in the Crescent Nebula. There's evidence of an Alliance cruiser, one that had gone MIA twenty years ago, has been found and that the crew are possibly still alive and in danger. We're going to investigate what happened," Shepard explained.

Her crew looked at each other, waiting for someone else to fill in the awkward silence.

"With all due respect, Shepard, can't the Alliance send a squad in to investigate the ship themselves? I know all our militaries are spread very thin right now, but this just doesn't seem like a mission that should be put before attacking Cerberus," Garrus piped up.

"I agree, there's a chance we could lose track of Kai Leng. That tracer Miranda Lawson placed on him could soon go out of range," Liara added.

"No, this is too important, it takes priority," Shepard clipped in response.

"Shepard... what's going on? There's more to this isn't there?" Kaidan asked, searching her face.

Shepard knew Kaidan and the rest of her crew could easily read her like an open book. As much as she didn't want to disclose her personal stakes in the mission, showing weakness for selfish reasons, she knew they deserved to know. They have all followed her to hell and back so there wasn't even a question of their loyalty, more of a question of time and resources being drained when everything they worked on seemed to be closing in.

"There is more to it, the distress signal that was left..." Shepard began, reluctantly.

She brought up her omni-tool and pulled up the audio file her mother had sent her and played it aloud for everyone to hear:

_ "This is Major Yuudai Kobayashi of the Alliance SSV Munich! Something went w- [unintelligible static] Systems suddenly beca- [unintelligible static] We are in the Zelene System, I repeat in the Z- [unintelligible static] in the Cresc- [unintelligible static] If anyone can hear this, please contact Alliance officials immediately! We need he- [unintelligible static] _

"What of it?" Javik asked after listening, his interest waning.

"Wait a moment, Major Yuudai Kobayashi... isn't that..." Liara began, realization dawning on the asari's face.

"Yes, that's my father. He's been missing since I was twelve."

Silence returned to the War Room as the news settled in. The truth being out in the open made the situation even more real, Shepard didn't know if she could stomach this any further. Her nerves had been tense for days. The nightmares had left a dark and crippling sensation; the rush to complete the Crucible, find the Catalyst, take down Cerberus, and stop the Reapers from causing their galactic extinction, was mounting further than mere threats.

"Shepard, are we sure that the voice speaking is really your father? It could be a trick, like what the Illusive Man did with that fake turian distress signal," Tali mentioned.

"I know, but this just seems to real, and why go to the trouble with a soldier and a cruiser that has been presumed dead or missing for two decades? Even though he's my father, finding out where the SSV Munich even went would be a feat in itself. No... I think this is real, and if not it's worth investigating," Shepard retorted. "My mom and I deserve closure. There's a chance that we could not come out of the Cerberus headquarters, or even the fight against the Reapers alive. I need to tie up these loose ends. I know this is personal, but... I just need to know."

"We understand, Shepard. You deserve to know what happened to your father," Kaidan replied, sympathetic and steadfast in his loyalty to his partner.

"You helped me with finding out the truth and fate of my father, I will do the same for you, Shepard," Tali added.

"We owe you that much for helping us, Shepard, we're all right behind you," Garrus responded.

Shepard couldn't help but give her crew a small smile, feeling grateful for their belief in her. They agreed to aid her without any more convincing. She turned back to face the hologram of the Crescent Nebula displayed before them.

"My mom pinpointed the coordinates of the distress signal to the Crescent Nebula, in the Zelene system. I'm not sure which planet yet, I haven't been able to scan and narrow down the search more."

"Allow me, Shephard," EDI stepped forward, changing the hologram to show the four planets that orbited Zelene's sun. "This should not be difficult to find the exact location, there are only two planets that are able to sustain life in Zelene."

EDI began to bring up each planet one by one:

"Gaelon is a gas giant, so life on the planet is not possible. There is evidence that one of the moons along Gaelon's rings once had an arthenni helium-3 mining infrastructure. But landing with all the debris floating around the rings, and with debris from a past destroyed dreadnought make it difficult to navigate. Surviving a crash landing is only at a 0.1276% chance."

"But less than 1% is still a chance," James pointed out with a shrug.

"It is extremely unlikely, Lieutenant Vega. Odds would be better suited at 0%," EDI corrected him before continuing on.

"Epho is a possibility, it is a rocky planet consisting of oxygen and a carbon dioxide atmosphere. There are more arthenni infrastructures of mining and possible settlements, although no evidence of current species attempting to make Epho a colony in recent centuries. Be advised, Epho's atmosphere is 41% carbon dioxide at sea level, making it four to six times that necessary to render most species unconscious within minutes of breathing. A crash landing on this planet has a better chance of survival, if enough crew members had oxygen filtration helmets, and the hull wasn't breached before precautions were taken."

"Nepyma, a biosphere based on chlorinated oxygen. It was once considered nearly habitable, but is considered dangerous because of a microbe native to the planet," EDI conintued.

"Yes, an asari surveyor called the Versallas landed on Nepyma in 1684 to study the ecology of the planet. The crew of the Versallus unknowingly brought back the microbe to Nos Parnalo on Illium. The microbe began to feed on chlorides, creating a toxic byproduct called polychlorinated biphenyls. It turned Nos Parnalo into a toxic waste dump that we had no choice but to abandon. It was a disaster," Liara recounted.

"So landing on that planet is extremely risky," Kaidan concluded, "and it would be unlikely that a crashed ship would survive without a microbe infestation, and that's not even counting the atmosphere itself."

"My species have banned anyone from landing on Nepyma, it's too dangerous. The microbe could get on the ship and spread," Liara added.

"There is one more possibility: Helyme. Shepard you defeated Captain Vorleon and the Eclipse mercenaries that had overrun the mining facility on Helyme. The atmosphere suggests it is the most viable option with similarities to your own homeworld, Earth," EDI stated.

"Wait.. but that means I could've been on the planet where my father had crashed on?! He was right under my nose this whole time..." Shepard realized, shocked and angered by her sloppy work of scanning the planet nearly a year ago.

"Much of the planet hadn't been explored, Shepard," EDI replied. "On the other side of Helyme there is a plentiful jungle on the garden world, as well as ruins of the arthenn's civilizations. It is believed that this planet was the homeworld of the arthenn, a species that as we know disappeared 300,000 years ago. The oxygen-nitrogen atmosphere is in habitable zones for sustaining life, so a crash on this planet has a high likelihood of survivors."

"Illium has mostly banned any travelers from landing on Helyme, though. The lightning storms and wildfires from the oxygenated atmosphere can be devastating. Also preserving the crumbling civilizations of the arthenn were set as an importance, their ruins are nearly disintegrated," Liara explained.

"I remember it took the Normandy a few days to receive clearance from Illium for us to land to stop the Eclipse gang," Garrus recounted.

"Hmph, why preserve the ruins of a species wiped out by cataclysm. The Protheans had little to do with a species who were able but unwilling to travel outside their system. The dead world isn't worth saving," Javik huffed.

"We don't have time to wait for clearance. If there's a chance my father is on this planet I'm not going to delay any longer. Besides, the atmosphere on this planet appears very similar to Earth, we had our share of storms and wildfires, but it didn't destroy us," Shepard replied as she stared at the holographic Helyme display. "EDI, begin a thorough scan on Helyme, and the other planets just to be sure. We won't have time to land on every single one, so we need to make sure we choose the right one on the first try."

"It seems like the two best options are Epho and Helyme, the other two are either too dangerous or inhabitable," Kaidan offered, watching Shepard carefully.

"You're right," Shepard nodded slowly, still processing the fact that she could've ran into her father a year ago.

"Very well, Shepard, I'll scan Epho and Helyme. This could take several minutes, I advise coming up with a battle strategy in case we run into hostiles, including Reaper forces. We have a couple hours before the Normandy reaches the Crescent Nebula," EDI suggested.

Shepard dismissed the group, telling them she would contact each of them when they all did some brainstorming on strategies. She needed to clear her head, and doing so with all these eyes on her wasn't working. Her frustration of missing her father when she was so close was eating away at her, but she tried her best not to dwell on it too much. EDI was right, she had no way of knowing that the SSV Munich had crashed on Helyme. For a moment of fury she thought of the Illusive Man knowing the truth and hiding it from her when she entered Zelene for missions when she briefly worked for him. She wouldn't be surprised, knowing he would've probably used this knowledge to manipulate her down the line if she still worked for Cerberus.

The suspicion of it all gave her a terrible feeling.

* * *

EDI had picked up readings on Helyme of a crashed ship; it was enough for Shepard to convince herself that it was the SSV Munich. As the Normandy made its way toward Helyme, Shepard paced around the Normandy, visiting her crew members to see if they had any ideas on how to approach this mission. She wanted as much feedback as possible, knowing her emotions were blinding her judgement and her rational thinking was at an all time low.

On the third level Shepard made her way toward Liara's cabin. She told Shepard she would use her connections as the Shadow Broker to see if she could find out any more information regarding the Munich's disappearance, or even the planet Helyme itself. The dead planet was shrouded in mystery, finding any information beyond the mining facility was impossible. The Extranet had only brief theories of the arthenn on how they suddenly vanished over a quarter of a million years ago. The theories mostly pointed to the Reapers now, but Javik had mentioned that the arthenn had kept to themselves. The asaris interest in studying their ruins also left theories on Prothean beacons being hidden there, but Javik had said that the Protheans didn't bother with their system. Something just seemed off with the arthenn extinction, as did the unreachable parts of their homeworld.

"Commander Shepard," a voice cut into Shepard's thoughts.

Dr. Chakwas emerged from the med bay, waving at Shepard to get her attention.

"What is it, doctor?" Shepard asked, antsy to go speak with Liara.

"You're due for a psych eval today, remember? Hackett's orders," Chakwas reminded her.

"Can this wait? I really need to speak to Liara about the upcoming mission."

"Commander, the stress you are experiencing could be detrimental to the mission. Your last reading indiciated that you're under more duress than you were during the Skyllian Blitz. Health-wise it's my job to ensure you're healthy enough to lead," Chakwas explained matter-of-factly.

"I know, doctor, it's just I don't have much time to prepare before we reach the Crescent Nebula," Shepard clipped.

"I understand, Commander, but you know this comes straight from the top. Your personal involvement in this mission is putting you under more strain than usual."

"Normandy's scheduled maintenance at the Citadel was also an order from Hackett, I'll get this pushed back, too," Shepard groaned.

She continued toward Liara's cabin, feeling bad for how she spoke to Dr. Chakwas, but she didn't have time to waste on a physical examination. The psych eval itself would take nearly an hour. The doctor was right, her stress was getting to her and making her irritable, but the importance of this and the preparation couldn't be squandered.

Shepard entered Liara's cabin, finding the Shadow Broker at her console, typing quickly. The monitors flashed with images and text that scrolled by too quickly for Shepard to read. Glyph greeted her, forcing Liara out of her research.

"Any luck?" Shepard questioned, although Liara's furrowed brow gave her the answer.

"It's odd, Shepard... everything about Helyme and the arthenn species are almost nonexistent. The asari have been studying the artenn ruins for hundreds of years, them not finding anything in that span of time doesn't make sense," Liara said aloud, her eyes back on the console.

"What do you think is the explanation?"

"I think the government on Illium is keeping it classified somehow, but I don't know why. With everything going on and our knowledge now on the Reapers and even Leviathan, why hide something so trivial?"

"I can't think of anything," Shepard answered, honestly. "What could be bigger than the discovery of the Protheans, Leviathan and the Reapers?"

"Nothing I can conclude, but I'll keep digging. In the meantime it would be wise to speak with Javik, he has first hand knowledge about arthenn."

"Good idea, let me know what you find," Shepard said before she left.

Down in engineering, Javik had little else to add, much to her disappointment. The Prothean stood before his memory shard, deep in thought.

"My ancestors know little about the arthenn. As I said before, they kept to themselves. By the time the Protheans ruled the galaxy, they had been wiped out."

"But why didn't the Protheans explore Zelene like the rest of the systems? Doesn't that seem strange to you?" Shepard questioned further.

"It does," Javik agreed, "not much can be said about Zelene or even Helyme. It was almost like my species avoided going there."

"Avoided? Why?"

"Perhaps because of depleted resources, we are not a superstitious race, Commander. The planets in Zelene were no longer viable, and the ruins of lost civilizations do not interest us. Exploring dead planets would not help us against the Reapers," Javik stated.

"It just all seems so weird, like something isn't adding up. There's so much secrecy surrounding Helyme, and I want to know why," Shepard said with a sigh, annoyed that she wasn't getting anywhere.

"I will search through my memory shard to see if I can uncover anything, but it is unlikely," Javik replied.

"Thank you, Javik."

"The sooner we complete this mission, the sooner we can get back to defeating the Reapers," Javik concluded without another word.

Shepard left, already knowing his coldness and disinterest toward the mission. He had agreed to help, but didn't have the empathy to understand how badly she needed to find her father. She left engineering, dodging Diana Allers who wanted to have an interview before the Cerberus mission. She had questions about the sudden change to head to the Crescent Nebula, but Shepard didn't want something so personal being shared with the public. Shepard headed up the elevator, feeling suddenly fatigued in the waking presence of an unknown mission. She still had to come up with a tactical strategy, but it was hard to do without any information on the planet. When the elevator opened, Kaidan stood before her on the CIC level.

"Shepard, I was looking for you," Kaidan began.

Shepard appeared so drained and grim to him, he felt bad about all the hardships she was facing, and most of it she seemed to bear alone. He reached out and caressed her shoulder, feeling the extreme tenseness of her muscles. She eased slightly with the familiarity of his touch.

"I'm sorry, Kaidan, for not telling you what was going on right away. It was unexpected and-"

"You don't have to apologize, Shepard. It's a lot to take on at once. You doing okay?" He questioned, gently.

"No, not really. I'll feel better once I know more about this planet and if my father is really alive."

Traynor hovered behind them, concern etched clearly on the technicians face. Shepard felt guilty for brushing past her earlier and keeping her in the dark. Her urgency to have Joker head to the Crescent Nebula was a pressing matter. Getting the entire staff on board had caused a lot of confusion. She heard retorts from Engineer Adams, even Steve Cortez had pointed out how the Normandy was overdue for maintenance, but she had waved off their disagreements.

"Commander Shepard, I got the briefing over my messages of the mission change. You really think the SSV Munich has been found?" Traynor asked, alarmed.

"That's what we're going to find out. There's more at stake than that, there's evidence that my father is alive among the wreckage. Don't spread that around, this needs to be kept private. I don't need our enemies discovering this, it could be used against me as a weakness," Shepard explained.

Traynor audibly gasped.

"Hold our comms and my messages, we need to go dark for a little while, just to be safe," Shepard added.

"It's also illegal to land on Helyme without clearance from Illium, so we need to keep that quiet, too," Kaidan told Traynor.

"Ye-Yes, I understand," Traynor snapped a salute. "I'm sorry Commander, I had no idea about your father..."

"It's okay, Traynor. The crew has been informed, we're going all hands on deck with this one. Do you mind helping EDI scan the planet? The more we know about Helyme, the better."

"Of course, Commander."

"Thanks, I'm going to check on Joker."

Shepard and Kaidan headed to the cockpit. Joker was casually navigating the flight controls. Out of the entire crew, Joker appeared to be the most unnerved.

"Hey Commander, we'll be approaching the Crescent Nebula in about forty minutes," Joker reported.

"Good, keep it stealthy, Joker. I don't want anyone to know we're poking around here, especially on Helyme. There seems to be a lot of mystery and stigma about landing on this planet."

"Pssh, don't remind me. Getting security clearance last time to land when you were going after that Eclipse cell was a pain in the ass. Even with the Illusive Man's resources, appealing to customs took days. I don't know what the asari are hiding on this planet, hell landing on Thessia is an easier process," Joker rambled.

"I don't know, either, and that's what I don't like. I didn't notice anything unusual about the mining facility, and the Normandy didn't pick up on any anomalies. I just don't understand why the distress signal got through now," Shepard replied.

"Well kinda hard to pay attention when you were being shot at by Eclipse members nonstop. Our landing permission was only for a few hours, too, so we had to leave rather quickly. I just hope we don't get discovered, although the Reapers have Illium a bit occupied right now."

"We should get our armor on and check on our weapons," Kaidan suggested, gently gripping Shepard's shoulder.

Shepard only nodded, her throat suddenly feeling dry as Helyme approach closer. Joker assured her he would bring the Normandy in without being detected, and followed Kaidan back to her cabin. The closer she got to the mysterious planet, the more the uneasiness churned in her stomach. She had a terrible feeling about the secrecy surrounding Helyme, a feeling that she hadn't had since Eden Prime. Kaidan was there to comfort her, but even in his embrace the fear she felt was deep and unsettling like her nightmare. The voice returned in her thoughts, a terrible reminder of the unknown waiting for her beyond the safety of her ship.

**You will discover the truth.**


	3. Helyme

Shepard stared at the airlock's door, hearing nothing but her heart beat rapidly in her eardrums as the decontamination process scanned her crew. Right behind the doors that separated the  _ Normandy _ from the outside world of Helyme. Her father was within her reach, but he still felt so far away. EDI's readings were unable to completely narrow down the source of the  _ Munich's _ distress signal, so they had to scout by foot. Landing the ship fully on Helyme, especially without the proper authorization, was a huge risk. Javik and Tali elected to stay behind to watch over the ship. The  _ Normandy _ had been vulnerable when the Collectors hit, kidnapping everyone aboard when Shepard and her team had been absent. Shepard vowed to not let that happen again. Javik was continuously combing through his memory shard to find any information he could, while Tali was nursing a fever but still willing and able to protect the ship at all costs.

Kaidan placed his hand gingerly on Shepard's shoulder, making her jump from the unexpected touch.

"We'll find your dad, Shepard, we won't leave this planet until we do," Kaidan assured her in a hushed voice.

"I hope you're right..." she replied, her voice quiet and drifting.

The airlock doors whooshed open, a burst of uncomfortably warm air rushing in to greet them. The crew jumped out, greeted with a lush jungle, and dark clouds forming above. Shepard could smell rain in the air, knowing one of Helyme's infamous thunder storms would be starting soon. She noted how different the atmosphere on this side of the planet was compared to the mining facility she had stopped the Eclipse on nearly a year ago. It reminded her of Earth, but there was something unwelcoming about this planet in comparison.

"Shepard, due to pressure changes I indicate a storm will be heading this way soon," EDI chimed in, shaking Shepard from her thoughts.

"Right," Shepard responded with a mutter, the jungle still drawing her thoughts in like a moth to a flame.

She turned to face her crew, watching her in patience, awaiting her orders on how they were going to explore an entire planet in limited time. The dark clouds brewed above, a stark reminder like an hourglass with sand trickling down. Shepard's paused silence made the crew feel uneasy, it wasn't normal for her to question her resolve. She'd been in so many situations where the magnitude of possible bad outcomes didn't leave her so spooked. Liara and Kaidan glanced at each other, their expressions matching how they both felt. There was something that was bothering Shepard, something that she was keeping buried.

"Commander Shepard, you don't have much time. We're already putting the  _ Normandy _ at risk for landing it on the planet to avoid detection from Illium officials and Reapers, but the storm also poses a threat. Try to find any remnants of the  _ Munich _ or your father as fast as possible." Cortez's voice cut in through her comm, jolting Shepard back onto the task at hand. "Javik, Tali and I will protect the ship at all costs." He added with sincerity.

"You're right, I'm sorry!" Shepard replied hastily, glancing guiltily back at her crew as they still waited. "I'm going to split the crew into teams so we can cover more ground."

"Just hurry, Commander, I don't know how well  _ Normandy's _ hull will handle multiple lightning strikes," Joker chimed in over the comm.

"We'll be quick," Shepard assured him, making her voice stern.

Shepard felt embarrassed for how she was acting. She wasn't the type of person to let personal history or even fear make her falter before a mission. She always had a logical plan and keen insight, even when a mission had a probability of going south. She was a solider who always had a clear head about her duty, but now in the face of her father's disappearance and a haunting feeling of a fleeting nightmare, she found her morale wavering.

"Liara, James, and EDI, you three will go by foot in that direction," she pointed into a section of jungle. "Go about three or four klicks in if you can. If you still haven't found anything, report back to me. Kaidan and Garrus will go with me in the opposite direction. We don't have much time, people, so let's do this quick and quietly."

"Right Shepard, remember to be careful. Little is known about the arthenn and what they left on this planet. Also be prepared for the possibility of..." Liara's voice trailed off, her eyes averting Shepard's gaze as she searched for the right words that didn't sound insensitive. "About your father..."

"I know," Shepard clipped, masking her emotion by clenching down on her teeth and locking her jaw firmly, pushing the thought of stumbling upon her father's corpse away. "Let's just see if we can find anything from the  _ Munich _ to figure out what happened. Move out!"

Shepard made a movement with her hand to indicate it was time to get going. A distant 'boom' of thunder hurried their pace along.

* * *

The jungle was dense; the ground covered in plants and roots jutting out from the thick trees. The humidity made the atmosphere inside the jungle steamy like a sauna; condensation gathering on the leaves in droplets as if it had already rained in this area. As much as Shepard wanted to quicken her pace, the tangle of vines and roots on the jungle floor made it impossible, unless she wanted to topple over and land on her face. Shepard didn't like this jungle, it wasn't like the rainforests back on Earth she'd watch in vids - those were teeming with life, insects, the sound of animals inhabiting the trees. But this jungle was silent. The silence was unnatural, but even with the lack of evidence of wildlife living on Helyme, she could feel things watching her in the distance.

"This... forest is... strange," Garrus echoed Shepard's thoughts aloud, scanning the treeline above, his rifle tucked closely to his chest as if for comfort.

"Took the words right out of my mouth," Shepard muttered, using her omni-tool to scan for signs of the  _ Munich _ .

"Last time we were on Helyme it seemed different," Garrus added.

"Last time we were on the other side of the planet in a mining facility being overrun by the Eclipse, not quite the same."

"True, but Helyme at least was inhabited by others. Right now it seems deserted, it's creeping me out." Garrus countered, visibly shuddering.

"You're right, you'd think we'd at least run into mercs or something conducting work out here in secret," Kaidan agreed, looking to his left to scan the environment.

"Well according to Liara the Illium government doesn't let people poke around on here, and the Reaper invasion has put even criminals plans at bay. Asari are trying to keep whatever remains for ancient arthenn civilization intact," Shepard replied.

"If Illium were really doing their job, those Eclipse members wouldn't have been running a full operation on here last year. Something isn't adding up, Shepard, I don't like it. And that's just the first of it," Garrus continued on, maneuvering carefully over a giant root sticking out of the ground, "your dad crash-landed on this planet twenty solar years ago and  _ no one _ heard his distress signal until now? You'd think the asari would take notice to an Alliance vessel flying around their precious planet, even out here in the Terminus Systems. Even without his audio recording, a distress beacon would've been deployed automatically if it wasn't damaged. Remember Jacob's dad Ronald Taylor on Aeia? After years of being stranded on the planet, the beacon purposely remained damaged so he could live out his sick fantasy. Something is just off, Shepard, I can feel it."

Shepard stopped abruptly, and whirled around to face Garrus, her face scrunched up in anger.

"Don't compare Ronald Taylor to my dad!" She chided, pointing a steady finger in the turian's direction. "Ronald Taylor was a monster who purposely let his crew fall into madness so he could play king of a harem! My dad is nothing like him! He has honor and would never treat another human or alien that way!"

Garrus put his talons up defensively as Shepard yelled at him, his mandibles flapping out in surprise at her sudden mood change.

"Calm down, Shepard, I didn't mean it like that and you know it. I'm just saying that the  _ Hugo Gernsback _ crashed ten years before it was discovered, and it was being hidden purposely. I'm just saying that the same deception could be going on with the  _ Munich _ . I wasn't making a personal jab at your father. You know that recording of your father was made right when the  _ Munich _ crashed, and then nothing after that for years."

She knew that Garrus was right, but her pride and defensiveness toward her father clouded her judgement. She turned back around in a grumble, feeling irrationally angry still that Yuudai Kobayashi was compared to the likes of disgraced Ronald Taylor. He was a well respected major in the Alliance, he taught Shepard well and always did his duty with great dignity. Imagining him brainwashing his crew with toxic native plants and abusing them was unbearable. She tried to think of some explanation as to why the distress signal he left took so long to uncover, but she knew all her conclusions led in a direction she didn't want to face. Shepard wiped sweat beading on her forehead with the back of her wrist, trying to cool down from Garrus' words and focus on the trek ahead. Garrus fell silent behind her and she felt guilty suddenly for snapping at him. She could feel Kaidan's gentle, amber eyes on the back of her neck, knowing he was trying to understand and sympathize with her emotions and pain. She thought of her mother and all those sleepless nights she spent searching for her father, crying when she thought no one was looking, trying to muster a smile when speaking to her daughter and pretend everything was alright.

A few minutes of silence between the teammates went by.

"So Shep, I have a question I've always wanted to ask but wasn't sure how-" Kaidan begun, testing out the waters to see if Shepard was still fuming.

"What is it?"

"Why did you take your mother's last name?"

Shepard paused, realizing she was never asked that before. Everyone in the Alliance just thought it normal and headed on their way. The truth behind it made her flush, not wanting any shame to come to her parents who she admired so much. She knew it was hypocritical to hold them in that esteem when she committed the same exact "crime" in the military as they did: fraternization.

"My parents weren't married when they started having an affair in the Alliance. They were both soldiers, and you know how human militaries look down on that..." Shepard started to explain, clearing her throat in discomfort. She glanced behind her shoulder and saw Kaidan's cheek slightly blush. "When my mom, Hannah, became pregnant, they reassigned her to a different ship and demoted her. Because of my dad's higher rank he was able to pull some strings and still see me and mom as often as he could. I didn't grow up away from him per se, but him and mom weren't stationed on the same ship together after I was born. I'd spend majority of my time growing up with my mom, growing up an Alliance brat, but my dad made it a priority to spend as much time with me as possible. You know how the Alliance is, they did not approve of two officers having an illegitimate child, especially since my mom served under him. So my mom tried to mask it by naming me Shepard instead of Kobayashi but everyone knew."

"Oh..." Was all Kaidan could muster, feeling embarrassed that he even brought the topic up.

"Like mother like daughter, huh? Minus the kid." Shepard tried to joke, smirking weakly in Kaidan's direction.

Kaidan's face went even redder and he looked away from her and into the trees. She meant to make the joke about breaking regs funny, but instead it just created awkward tension and she cursed herself for it. During the Reaper invasion it wasn't a big deal for her and Kaidan to maintain their relationship, and she wouldn't prevent herself from being with the man she loved with the war raging on. But she was a product of fraternization herself, and she saw the strain it brought her parents. If the circumstances surrounding her and Kaidan hadn't been so vastly different, she knew Kaidan would've been reassigned from the Normandy and Shepard could've possibly been demoted and lose her ship. But danger and stranger than fiction type scenarios seemed to follow Shepard around like her own shadow, saving their "illegal" relationship.

To break the tension, Shepard opened her omni-tool again to contact EDI.

"Hey EDI, any luck in finding anything out of the ordinary?"

"Negative, Shepard," EDI replied in her robotic and oddly melodic voice.

"We've been walking for over an hour, haven't even seen a scrap of metal or even a damn sign of any civilization," James huffed.

"Same here, nothing yet," Shepard answered, glancing up and noticing the hurdling storm clouds ahead made it darker. She had been so focused she hadn't even realized the thunder had gotten much closer. "We can't give up yet, we still have time." She added in a tone of desperation, not wanting to leave before finding out what happened to her father.

"Shepard, we can't take too much longer out here, for the  _ Normandy's _ sake..." Liara replied.

"It's going to start raining soon," Kaidan piped up behind her, "it's going to be harder to search."

"We're not stopping the search, not yet. Joker will let us know if things start getting too dicey. I don't want to leave and all this be in vain. We cant give up now, there could be  _ Munich _ survivors or something else going on," Shepard concluded, her tone final.

"Very well, Shepard," EDI stated.

Shepard disconnected from her comms, turning back to face Kaidan and Garrus.

"Okay, let's double time it!"

Thunder rumbled overhead, making the three start to hurry as fast as they could over the thick vegetation. On her omni-tool readings began to go fuzzy, as if there was some type of interference. The atmosphere started to grow thicker, but it wasn't just the humidity of Helyme or the electricity in the air from the storm. It was like they walked into a flux threshold.

"Shepard, our instruments are going haywire," Kaidan alerted, his omni-tool suddenly malfunctioning. "There's no way a storm could make this happen."

The thunder roared as a crack of lightning hit the treeline way too close for comfort. The three of them ducked, covering their heads as rain began pouring down on them. The snapping of branches and vines in the distance made Garrus snap his rifle upward. Shepard's knees began to shake as the presence of something distantly familiar and sinister approaching them. She felt this before all too recently.

Cold... dark... hollow...

"Shepard! There's something moving out there!" Garrus barked, staring into his scope. "Whatever it is, it's circling fast."

"I can't patch the  _ Normandy _ through!" Kaidan reported in frustration as he continued to try to work on his omni-tool.

The rain started to make the ground almost muddy; the pounding of the rain on the leaves grew louder and louder, as did the mysterious presence rapidly moving around the tangle of the jungle. Shepard was frozen in place, petrified of the force that was heading right toward them. Her nightmare came barreling back vividly - the feeling of having no control and her took hold. The source of the set of eyes that was peering at Shepard through the darkness was incomprehensible. Helyme's storm raged overhead, the lightning lighting up the treeline with abrupt flashes, the rain making their sight grow dimmer and the temperature raise, the thunder drowning out Kaidan and Garrus' cries for her attention.

**Shepard.**

The sinister voice called to her. Spooked, she whirled around behind her, only seeing Kaidan and Garrus glance around the jungle, soaked from head to toe. They seemed unaware of the horrifying voice speaking her name. Her gut felt like it sank down to her knees, her guns left holstered on her back, her biotics nearly forgotten. Whatever was dashing around them in the distance that Garrus was telling her about was the source of the voice. Shepard suddenly had the urge to vomit. Unable to contain her nausea, she fell to her knees and began throwing up. The ground was slick and muddy, she felt like she was slowly sinking underneath.

"Shepard!" Kaidan's concerned voice was drowned out by the storm. He knelt beside her, trying to steady her. Her body shivered and swayed as she continued to be sick.

Kaidan tried to call for EDI and the Normandy again, but his omni-tool was still not working. Helpless, he slammed his fist into the densely covered ground.

"Shit!" He swore. He turned his attention back to Shepard, who was now on both her hands and knees, panting for air. "Shepard, what's wrong? We need to head back."

"Something is still out there," Garrus warned, still scanning with his rifle and scope. "I can see it moving in flashes, it's wickedly fast."

"We have to get out of here and head back to the  _ Normandy _ , Garrus, this storm is getting worse!" Kaidan urged. "Come on, Shepard, we have to go!" He tried to pull her up, but she remained planted to the ground.

The snapping of the jungle and vines rushed toward them, drawing Garrus' attention to his right. He readied his rifle as the presence stalking them came into view. Even in the storm Kaidan could hear Garrus' gasp of disbelief, making him look away from Shepard for a moment to see what was heading for them.

"Spirts! What is that?!" Garrus hollered.

An incredibly large and impossibly long black tentacle shot out from between the trunks of the trees. Garrus and Kaidan watched, both mystified and horrified as it towered above them, curling at the end. The tentacle slammed back and forth into two trees, cracking the trunks and making one tree fall over effortlessly. Garrus opened fire as rapidly as he could, his aim shoddy with worry. The tentacle evaded the bullets almost faster than Kaidan could blink, destroying any tree in its path as it moved.

"What the fuck?!" Kaidan cursed in bewilderment, as he jumped up on his feet to throw a Warp at the strange monster.

All their attacks were meaningless against this giant creature. Kaidan couldn't believe his eyes. Whatever creature they were facing had to be bigger than a thresher maw; the origin of the rest of its body completely unseen from where the confused soldiers stood, it seemed to stretch for miles through the jungle. The endless tentacle thrashed about, aiming for Garrus as he shot at it. Kaidan flared his biotics again, trying to aim, but he was too slow.

Kaidan slung his arm around Shepard, trying to get her to stand, but it was like she was cemented to the ground in a trance. Attempting to pull her up made him fall flat on his back in the mud. The rain continuously poured down harder and harder, their sight so dim it looked like night. The tentacle suddenly whacked Garrus' rifle out of his talons, sending it flying into nearby shrubs. The turian dove out of the way as the tentacle went to squash him, smashing relentlessly into the ground. Lightning struck a nearby tree, splitting it down the middle with a burst of hot energy, forcing Kaidan and Garrus flying backward. It was absolute chaos.

"What the hell is going on here? Shepard! We need to leave now!" Kaidan tried to pull the commander along again, but she remained.

The tentacle suddenly got a hold of Garrus, wrapped around him like a giant python. Garrus cried out in fear as it slithered around him, hoisting him in the air. He tried to squirm, but it started to squeeze him, crushing his body little by little. Kaidan leapt up, running closer to the tentacle so he could get better aim to shoot at it. The bullets did nothing but make it wiggle out of the way. The sound of squelching mud bubbled behind Kaidan, in a panic he turned around to see Shepard being pulled into the ground like a sinking ship.

"SHEPARD!" Kaidan screamed, diving toward her as the earth swallowed her.

It was like some old adventure vid where the heroic characters started to sink in quicksand. He thought he was going insane, that everything he was witnessing was a dream or a hallucination. First a monster so large that its tentacle seemed to stretch for miles comes out of nowhere and grabs Garrus, now Shepard is sinking the ground, which was solid a moment ago. Kaidan desperately tried to grope for Shepard as the top of her head disappeared under the mud. He couldn't even grab at her hair, she was completely submerged. Kaidan thrust his hands into the mud, but the depth had changed back to its original form. The tentacle threw Garrus down harshly, then began to retreat back into the darkness of the jungle. Garrus lay on the ground, unconscious, as Kaidan continued to frantically dig through the mud.

"SHEPARD, NO! SHEPARD, WHERE ARE YOU? SHEPARD!" Kaidan wailed, tears now streaming down his eyes.

It was like Alchera all over again. Kaidan watching from the surface the icy planet as the  _ Normandy _ exploded in the planet's stratosphere. His escape pod had landed safely, but he never saw Shepard get onto one. She was making sure everyone got off the ship safely, everyone she could reach in time. The last he saw was her going to save Joker. He knew she didn't make it off the ship, something in his gut had told him. He cried then, knowing he lost the woman he fell in love with. Now he lost her again, but this time in a way that was unexplainable. Helyme had eaten her whole, and he had no way of getting her back out. Garrus was injured, an unknown enemy could return and kill them at any moment, and the thunderstorm was still pounding them from above.

All hope was lost.

* * *

EDI led Liara and James further into the jungle, the AI scanned the perimeter with near perfect accuracy, making the team's continuous lack of findings more and more grim. The jungle on Helyme appeared to just be a vast tangle of trees and exotic plant life, nothing more.

James wiped the sweat away from his eyes, groaning in irritation as it stung his eyes.

"Ugh, how much longer. This humidity sucks."

"That storm does sound like it's approaching," Liara added, slightly worried. "We haven't heard word from Shepard or the others in quite some time."

"Are you suggesting that we call off the search?" EDI questioned, turning to face them. "I am reading seismic activity ahead, perhaps it is a lead."

"C'mon, EDI, that could just be lightning striking the ground. Which also brings up Liara's point, we really shouldn't be out here when that storm hits. Tell the commander that we tried, but we're going to get stuck in a downpour or worse if we stick it out any longer." James huffed.

"Very well," EDI chimed, bringing up her omni-tool, patching in communication to Shepard. "Shepard, the storm is on a trajectory right toward our location, I suggest returning to the  _ Normandy _ . The conditions are dangerous for organic life."

Silence.

"I repeat, Shepard, I suggest returning to the  _ Normandy."  _ EDI tried again, but there was no answer, not even static.

Liara and James glanced anxiously at each other as EDI continued to try and hail the commander.

"Try contacting Kaidan or Garrus," Liara suggested.

"Garrus, I have failed to contact Shepard, are you available?" EDI asked, but once again was met with silence. Her robotic fingers worked over her omni-tool, trying to pinpoint where the other team was. "Kaidan, are you there? Is anyone on this frequency?"

Silence.

"Nah, something's not right. Why wouldn't any of them be responding?" James said.

"It... is concerning. They could be in trouble." Liara agreed.

"The source of this communication failure is an anomaly. I cannot get a clear reading of their GPS location, it is almost like someone is actively jamming it." EDI answered.

"Jamming it? You think it's interference from the  _ Munich _ ?" Liara asked.

"No, this is strange. It is like the scrambled signal's source is coming from every direction. Like Helyme itself is trying to shut down our communications."

"That doesn't make any sense! Other than that mining facility on the other side of the planet, there's no one living here!" James exclaimed.

The snapping of branches made the three of them whirl around in shock. James and Liara readied their weapons as the booming of the thunder grew closer. The storm clouds seemed to appear in a flash as the atmosphere around them grew dense and filled with electricity. EDI continued to attempt to reach Shepard, but the geographical location and all communications, even to the  _ Normandy,  _ had been suppressed.

"It's like... the planet is waking up..." Liara shuddered, her mouth agape as she gazed at the darkening sky.


	4. First Encounter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, sorry for the longer update between chapters. My computer broke down so it's been harder to update and write. I wrote a majority of this chapter on my phone, which is why it's shorter than the other ones. I should be getting a new computer this week, so hopefully updates will be more frequent if college doesn't interfere too much. Nonetheless, I hope you all enjoy!

_Citadel_

_2183_

"Stop fidgeting and let me fix your damn hair, Skipper!"

Ashley Williams ran her hands through Shepard's long hair, which cascaded down her back like a ink-black waterfall, fixing any loose strands that splayed outward.

Even through the muffled walls of the restroom, Flux's club music pulsed through them. Shepard could feel the bass heavy in her bones as she inspected her red lipstick in the mirror; perfectly matching the color of her dress.

"I don't know, do you think I need more eyeshadow?" Shepard asked, turning to face Ashley.

Ashley waved her off.

"Your smokey-eye looks fine, it's your hair that I'm concentrating on. You got so much of it! You ever consider cutting it?"

Shepard gave her a stern glance.

"Never."

Ashley rolled her eyes.

"You chose the wrong profession to be this vain, Skipper," Ashley replied with a joking smirk."Too bad LT isn't around to see you, he'd probably faint."

Shepard felt a slight heat rise in her cheeks, turning her attention back to the bathroom mirror. She thought of Kaidan, currently being holed up on the _Normandy_ because of his migraines and missing shore leave. She felt guilty to be off partying without him, and also a bit disappointed that he couldn't see her right now. She knew the probability of someone seeing her and taking photos of the first human Spectre to flood the extranet with gossip was high - she's sure Kaidan will see her wild night out with Ash in some scandalous tabloid.

The thought made her shake her head, realizing how silly it was for her to be worrying about things like this when Saren and his army of geth were still out there.

An asari couple walked in, visibly drunk and giggling. They found a empty stall and went in together.

"That's how we need to be," Ashley said, reapplying her lipstick.

"What? Dating?" Shepard questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Wh- no! Drunk! Very drunk! And I would never move in on LTs territory, not that I'm interested in women anyway." Ashley countered, sauntering her way past Shepard, and toward the exit. "Shall we get this shore leave started?"

* * *

The floor slightly spun, Shepard felt like she was swimming in a fishbowl. The lights flashes different, brilliant colors, and the music pounded relentlessly in her eardrums. She watched Ashley gracefully glide and step across the dance floor, her dress and hair swaying with her movements to the rhythm. Shepard felt more uncoordinated than usual, her movements choppy and erratic, but she couldn't seem to make herself care. She was enjoying herself, feeling like an everyday woman, and not a soldier trying to stop the Reapers from coming and destroying everything she'd come to know.

Ashley was dancing somewhat provocatively, getting attention from nearby patrons, thirsting for a chance to gain her attention. Shepard was in awe for a moment, wondering what it was like to absolutely capture a room's attention like Ashley did. Shepard wore makeup often and kept up with her appearance, but Ashley seemed so naturally beautiful and earthy - she didn't have to try to be noticed. By comparison Shepard wondered by Kaidan didn't show more attention to Ashley, instead he turned his attention to her.

Shepard had stopped dancing, motionless like the eye of a hurricane. The thought of Kaidan made her feel weak in the knees. She made an excuse about using the bathroom, and slipped away from the crowded dance floor. Back in the bathroom Shepard gripped the sink, wanting to splash cold water on her face to sober herself up, but didn't want to ruin her makeup. She felt ridiculous for having these thoughts, realizing how trivial it was to have girlish fantasies about beauty and being desired.

"I'm a soldier," she said aloud, staring at her reflection in the mirror sternly. "I'm from a well-respected Alliance family, I'm the first human Spectre!"

The reflection didn't seem very convinced. Her pale, freckled, cherub face stared back at her. She sighed, thinking about returning to her hotel room for the night. The room was still slightly spinning and the elation of being drunk was starting to wear off. At the same time she didn't want to abandon Ashley at Flux, she reluctantly decided she'd wait it out.

Shepard left the bathroom and picked a table. She watched Ashley dance for awhile longer until her teammate noticed that she had still not returned.

"What? You tired already?" Ashley asked as she slid into the chair across from Shepard.

"Just not feeling too well."

"So not only does your cardio need work, you also can't hold your liquor. I expected more from the great Commander Shepard," Ashley countered, raising a manicured eyebrow.

"I don't know, maybe I'm just not feeling it tonight." Shepard stared down at the table, shoulders slumping.

"Skipper, don't feel bad." Ashley placed a comforting hand on Shepard's bare shoulder. "I was teasing you, it's okay. I know you're under a lot of stress, but that's why we're here. To forget about it for a few days, remember?"

Shepard glanced up to look Ashley in the eye, only to see something lurking around the entrance of Flux.

There was a strange looking man headed toward them, his features had a grey hue, his posture unorthodox, and he had an unusual limping gait. He had eyes fixed on their table. He walked with his upper body leaning back almost too far, like he was a contortionist. Shepard felt uneasy and motioned for Ashley to look behind her.

"Ew, someone needs to take a cab home." Ashley commented.

The man continued slowly toward them, stumbling but his eyes never leaving hers. Unblinking. His lips set in an unsettling smile that was pulled too tight. The top of his foot dragged against the floor before taking a step, making his body seem rubbery and artificial. Most of the club-goers didn't even notice him, they were too focused on their own dancing and drinking. Others saw him and just laughed amongst themselves, thinking he was just a drunk.

Shepard felt herself break into a cold sweat; feeling a prickle on the back of her neck. She grabbed Ashley's hand and pulled her away from the table, hugging the wall to make sure she didn't get close to the man. She led Ashley to the exit and they left the Flux, jogging without looking back. They reached an isolated corridor of the Citadel before Ashley was finally able to slow her down.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa - hang on a second!" Ashley ripped her hand free, stopping. "Why did we just run out of there? Because of some drunk weirdo?"

"No, Ash, something isn't right," Shepard shook her head.

"You're paranoid." Ashley slurred slightly, turning on her heel. "I'm going back, I'm not cutting my shore leave short."

"Ash, please!"

"Skipper, come on-"

Ashley stopped in her tracks. Just in the distance was the strange man. He continued his stumbling pursuit, blocking their only way back to Flux.

"I don't know what your deal is, but you need to get the hell out of our way!" Ashley shouted. Despite her bravado, Shepard could see Ashley's hands tremble slightly.

The strange man went very still. A loud groan erupted from his mouth, causing Ashley to stumble backward, startled. The man's mouth began to open wide, wider and wider until his jaw became visibly unhinged. The guttural groans of pain grew louder, echoing down the Citadel's tight corridor. The snapping of bones followed as the creature began to transform before their eyes.

Ashley clasped her hands over her ears, the loud noises were a violent assault against her drunken senses. She let out a cry of pain and fear.

Shepard flared up her biotics, glowing blue, and leapt forward and struck the creature with a Shockwave. The creature went airborne, slamming relentlessly into a wall. Shepard didn't hesitate for it to gather itself, she grabbed Ashley's hand and led her in the opposite direction. This time the two women didn't stop running. A loud, monstrous shriek following, causing both of them to speed up their stride.

Ashley dared a glance over her shoulder once, horrified to see the shadow of the creature casting on the walls behind them. She ushered Shepard to find a different route, since the corridors of the Lower Wards would eventually lead to a dead end. Shepard followed Ashley's petrified gaze to see the shadow Ashley was stuttering on about - the creature's shape had completely changed. Now instead of the figure of a man, the creature was a monster on all fours, with extra limbs right below its giant head. The two frightened women didn't waste another minute, Shepard led them to rapid transport and hailed a cab to take them back to the apartments.

* * *

Back at Ashley's temporary rented apartment, the two women hid inside, the lights dimmed. Shepard pushed the dresser in front of the door, and made sure the lock was encrypted. Ashley sat on the bed, beside the window, peering out and scanning anxiously for the creature. The two women sat mostly in silence, their drunken stupor wearing off - leaving only nerves and the heightened senses of fight or flight.

"Shepard… what the fuck was that thing?" Ashley finally spoke, her voice a harsh whisper.

"How would I know?" Shepard replied, her voice also hushed.

She poured some water for them both, hoping to help sober them up even more and prevent a potential hangover. Ashley didn't take the glass, clearly too shaken up and focused on watching the outside.

"I've never seen anything like that in my life- like, what could that even be? Like that wasn't a hologram, that was real. I could _smell_ it, Shepard." Ashley stammered.

"I know… it's the strangest thing, it's like I sensed it was dangerous, or that it was coming."

"Did you see what it was turning into?" Ashley spun around to face her commander. Tears pricked in the corners of her mascaraed eyes. "It's head started to grow, it's teeth were sharp, and eyes started to pop up all over its head-" Ashley shuddered, the memory disturbing her.

Shepard sat at the dining table, sipping her water. "I've never seen a metamorphosis like that. It didn't seem real."

"Hey, maybe we were drugged?" Ashley suggested.

Shepard shook her head. "How could we have the same hallucination? No… that creature was as real as you and me. We can return to the _Normandy_ tomorrow just to be safe, and so I can access the Alliance database to see if there's some kind of explanation for what we experienced.

Ashley laughed humorlessly. "You're going to make a formal report on that thing? The brass will never believe us! They don't even believe us about Saren and the Reapers!"

"It's worth a try," Shepard sighed. "Besides, we were technically attacked and I had to use my biotics. If any security cameras caught us I have to be able to give an explanation why."

"What's the point of being a Spectre, then?" Ashley scoffed.

Shepard smiled weakly, trying to empathize with Ashley's frustration. What she couldn't tell Ashley was how scared the creature made her feel - she could feel coldness and darkness oozing from it. But putting that into an explanation that made sense would prove almost impossible - like describing the differences in colors to a blind person. She just _knew_ like she did with the Prothean beacon on Eden Prime. Although the communication was muddled, it was clearer to her than everyone else.

"I'm so damned tired, but I don't think I can fall asleep." Ashley muttered, hugging her knees.

"Get some rest, I'll keep watch."

"You sure?"

"Positive. I'm going to check the extranet and see if I can find any information." Shepard replied. She already had her omni-tool out.

Ashley fell asleep shortly after, curled up on the bed, still in her dress and glam. As her comrade dozed, Shepard searched for extranet articles on creature and shapeshifting animal sightings. Most sites brought her to conspiracy theories and mostly faked, outlandish stories. But Shepard didn't discount them, after all her encounter felt just as crazy as some of the claims being shared online. Web pages and articles about Shepard even popped up. The article mocked her claims about "seeing Reapers" through the Prothean beacon, stating she was using these false claims to gain notoriety, and to climb in the ranks of the Alliance. A comment on the article even speculated that her "crazy statements" were the reason that she was able to become a Spectre.

Suddenly angry closed her omni-tool. She waited in the stillness of the dark apartment for the artificial sunrise to appear in the Citadel's skyline. She wondered if she really was going insane, for the first time doubting what she saw all the way from Eden Prime to now. She shook her head, trying to not let negative public opinion, and a terrible published interview done by Khalisah al-Jilani get her down. She wished she wasn't the only person in the galaxy that saw what she did; she was a bit relieved that Ashley had witnessed what she did, but wondered if it was really worth it. They were the only two witnesses, and both were under the influence of alcohol.

_Ash was right about the brass, they wouldn't believe me about this. They'll just say we drank some alien alcohol that messed with us, and probably make it harder for us to get another furlough._ Shepard thought.

Shepard decided as Ashley begun to stir awake that she wouldn't make a report, or even mention what had happened to anyone. Not even Kaidan. She didn't want to risk any more credibility with an unbelievable story of a human male shape-shifting into a large monster with sharp teeth and hundreds or eyes. It didn't seem worth the exhausting explanation. As long as Ashley kept her mouth shut, Shepard would too.

Light streamed in through the window, causing Ashley to groan, grabbing the side of her head. Shepard stood up and went over to the small kitchen in the apartment to make coffee. Ashley sat up, visibly wobbly and uncomfortable from either a headache, or the dress she had fallen asleep in. She rubbed her eyes, smearing her makeup even more than it already was.

"For the love of God... it's so bright in here," she moaned.

"Some coffee will help," Shepard called from the kitchen, ignoring her own drowsiness that began to creep behind her eyes.

"I had the weirdest- not the scariest dream, Skipper. You won't believe it." Ashley started, moving the strands of loose hair from her eyes. "Actually... maybe it wasn't a dream? I don't know, it felt so real. I can't remember much from last night..."

Shepard stilled, knowing it was her perfect opportunity to deny the whole encounter, and make sure it remained only a nightmare.

"Tell me about it," Shepard answered, forcing a casual smile as she looked back at her friend.

After that day it was never brought up again, and Shepard rarely ever returned to the Lower Wards of the Citadel.


	5. Mud

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone is having a good holiday season! The next chapter shouldn't be too far behind this one - and I hope everyone is enjoying the story so far. Thank you for reading!

Shepard stirred awake, taking in a harsh and smothered intake of breath. She felt heavier, her muscles strained, her environment damp. She lifted her head slowly, feeling extremely disoriented as she struggled to support her weight with her arms. Mud coated her entire body, blocking her vision as she hastily tried to wipe it from her eyes. The smell of dirt and earth filled her nose as her breathing labored from near suffocation and pain.

She slowly reached for her M-25 Hornet pistol, straining her sore muscles to position herself further upright so she could escape her nearly mud-covered tomb. Her pistol was completely covered in mud, and wouldn't fire when she tried to shoot off a test round. She knew her other guns would be in the same condition, and hoped her biotics wouldn't fail her if she needed to use them. Her head rattled unpleasantly as she tried to flare blue, making her body convulse back toward the muddy ground.

With a groan, Shepard pushed herself upwards to her feet, swaying sickeningly as she fought to keep her balance. As her eyes started to focus in the near darkness, she could see that she was in a hollow section underground. Small cracks of light shown through from high up Helyme's crust. Rumbles of thunder shook the underground, causing harsh vibrations from where Shepard was standing. She lost her balance, falling back into the mud as the thunder caused the earth to shake violently.

"Hello?" Shepard attempted to call, her voice raspy and throat dry. She tried a few more times to call for help, but over the thunder and constant shifting of the earth, it was no use.

_How long was I unconscious?_ She thought, grabbing her throat and trying to swallow in discomfort.

She felt so thirsty that she knew it had to be for a while. She suspected the deep aching from her muscles was also due to dehydration. Shepard brought up her omni-tool, it flickered and glitched as the orange glow struggled to stay on. Whether it was tectonic or storm interference from being so far underground, or damage, she couldn't tell, but continued to attempt to find her way around.

" _Normandy_ , this is Shepard, I'm trapped underground, do you copy?" Shepard called into her omni-tool.

Only static followed as a response.

" _Normandy_ , this is Shepard! I need immediate extraction, do you copy?" Shepard repeated, but to no avail.

She lowered her omni-tool in defeat, swearing under her breath as she did so. Not knowing what else to do Shepard began to trudge forward into the darkness, hoping to find a way out. The cracks of light overhead were not enough to adequately light her way, so she turned on her flashlight that was attached to her armor. It was cracked, but still shone the way ahead for her to keep moving.

* * *

After an unprecedented amount of time, Shepard's knees buckled over, hitting something jutting out from the ground. Shepard lay still for a second, the pain from the fall radiating throughout her body. Her mud soaked face and armor started to feel like a prison. As she stood up in agony, she tried to bring up her glitching omni-tool again but nothing had changed. Shepard craned her neck to look back and see what tripped her. It was a strange, carved stone with an ancient language etched on it. Curious, Shepard moved closer to it, shining her light on it to see it more clearly. Shepard ran her hand over the carvings, noticing how pristine the ancient stone appeared to be.

"Is this arthenn?" Shepard wondered aloud, remembering what Liara and EDI mentioned about the planet's original species.

As Shepard studied the stone, she noticed that several others were sticking out of the ground nearby, all leading in one direction. Shepard started following the stones, noticing how they were getting larger and larger until she came across a wall. The hollow space underground ended with a solid slab of rock. A carved out, low tunnel in the rock.

Shepard crouched to look inside, shining her light to see how long and stretched out it was. Carvings on the walls followed, adding to Shepard's piqued interest. Shepard attempted to bring up her omni-tool again to scan the arthenn carvings, but the flickering didn't subside long enough for her to get an accurate enough reading. Above the tunnel there was a carving of some kind of creature with dozens of tentacles, and a wide opened mouth. The script that surrounded the strange drawing was impossible for her to attempt to decipher without her omni-tool.

_I must be going crazy…_ Shepard thought.

Shepard got on her hands and knees and crawled into the tunnel. At this point she didn't think she had anything to lose, so finding arthenn ruins could lead to a way out. As she crawled through the tunnel, she could feel the narrowness of the tunnel restrict her already tight movement slightly. The feeling of claustrophobia was overwhelming, but Shepard's desperation and near delirium made her continue forward.

More rumbling made Shepard pause in fear as the tunnel and underground thundered around her. She could feel the violent vibrations rattling her bones and ringing in her ears. Her biotic amp throbbed painfully, causing Shepard to drop from her hands and knees, and directly to the ground. The tunnel suddenly sealed shut behind her, encasing her in complete darkness as the world blindly shook before her. Shepard let out a yelp of fear as the rumbling subsided, leaving her with only the sound of her panicked breathing. She got back up on her hands and knees to crawl forward, groping in the pitch blackness, knowing there was no way she could turn back.

"I can't be trapped in here, goddammit - I can't be!" Shepard shrieked.

As Shepard put her hand forward, the ground was gone before her. Shepard tried to back-peddle but it was too late, she slipped down into the unseen hole in the tunnel. As she slid further down, her ears popped uncomfortably with the descent until she came out into a clearing, and out of the tunnel. Stunned, Shepard's eyes adjusted to a dim light. The drop of temperature made her realize how much further she had went into Helyme's underground, making the fear of not being able to escape grow even more.

The echo of footsteps made Shepard sit up too quickly, making her queasy as she held her head in discomfort. As her eyes focused she realized she was in the middle of what remained of an ancient city. The twisted stones and unknown language carved into the stones and ruined walkways. Shepard's eyes landed on the source of the dimly lit ruins: torches.

"Fire?" Shepard wondered aloud, slowly approaching the torch.

Shepard reached toward the fire, hovering her hand close enough to feel the warmth of the flame.

"That's definitely real…" Shepard said to herself as she glanced behind her shoulder, feeling uncomfortable knowing she wasn't alone.

She knew those torches were lit recently, as the oxygen in a sealed underground cave couldn't be enough to keep it going for days. Worries of natural gases causing explosions, or another tectonic movement made her visibly shudder. Shepard tried to bring her omni-tool up again, but the glitching static appeared to be even worse than before. In frustration Shepard kicked a nearby stone, alerting something nearby. The footsteps started to scurry again, making Shepard reach for her mud-logged pistol and flare up blue. Her L3 implant instantly created a horrible headache, causing Shepard to grip her head again and groan.

"Dammit, where are you? I know someone is hiding! Are you an arthenn?" Shepard shouted, whirling around in every direction. "Can you understand me?"

A human man came out from hiding from behind a fallen stone pillar. The man wore old, worn armor came forward. Shepard couldn't make out his features in the dim light, and kept her gun trained on his figure.

"Someone has come at last, He said he would send someone to help me spread His message."

As the man came fully into the light, Shepard let out a gasp in disbelief. Eyes that were familiar and resembled her own stared back at her. She fell to her knees before the man, her senses overwhelming her.

"I knew I shouldn't lose hope, I knew everything would come together. He sent His message years from Star 52," the man rambled on and on.

"Dad…" Shepard whispered, still in disbelief that her father was standing before her for the first time in twenty years. "You-you've been underground this entire time?"

Yuudai Kobayashi studied her in mild interest as he paced around in circles. Shepard knew his mentality after being trapped in isolation for so long. What struck her as eerie was the fact that his hair was short in the same style he had worn it for years, and he hadn't grown a beard at all. In fact, he didn't look like he aged a day.

"Dad, listen to me, what happened to the _Munich_? Why did it crash?" Shepard gently gripped her father's forearm to get him to focus.

"He should be sending his minion soon. Soon." Yuudai mumbled, his eyes darting back and forth. He seemed eager, light on his feet like he was an excited child.

"Dad, please! What happened to your ship and your crew? Why did you crash on Helyme?" Shepard tried to ask again. After not getting a response, Shepard felt disheartened by his condition. "Do you even recognize me?"

Yuudai paused from his jittering to stare at her. A distant rumble echoed, causing him to smile in glee. He grabbed his daughter's wrist and pulled her further into the ruins. She tried to resist, but his strength was surprising. The rumbles grew louder, making rocks from above fall around them.

"Dad, stop, this place looks like it's going to come down!" Shepard yanked her hand free, stopping in her tracks. "I don't know what's going on, but we need to get back to the surface!"

"He is coming! He is coming! He is coming!" Yuudai began to chant.

"Who is coming? What are you talking about?" Shepard pleaded, but her continuous questions fell on deaf ears.

" **Hnarqu."**

Her father's voice bellowed, its octave changing at the mention of the name. That awful and familiar feeling washed over Shepard as the ruins around Shepard began to fade as the torch flames went out. Once again Shepard found herself falling to her knees as she did on Helyme's surface. She felt as if the abyss was opening up before her, and the darkness consumed everything that surrounded her. All sounds seemed to be sucked into a vacuum.

_Cold. Dark. Hollow._

**You are more foolish than we have originally perceived, Shepard. You stumbled into the Darkness, and your own fate, so hastily. Humans are such disappointing creatures, but you surprise Us, Shepard. Nevertheless, you will discover the truth.**

* * *

Blinding sunlight woke Shepard as she shielded her eyes from the bright sky and canopy overhead. Her body was in worse pain then before as she struggled to roll over on her side. She could see her father lying unconscious on the jungle floor beside her on the jungle floor. She rubbed her eyes in exhaustion, still feeling the dried mud caked to her body. Fear had her heart in a vice grip after hearing the horrid voice again, as she struggled to get a grip back to reality.

"Dad?" Shepard rasped, but he was unresponsive.

Shepard crawled over to him, her muscles aching as she pulled herself forward. Just holding her head up was nearly impossible. She checked her father's pulse, relieved to feel his heart rate is normal, as was his breathing. He looked so peaceful, contrasting heavily with Shepard's nervous shivering and hammering heart. She tried her omni-tool again, struggling to lift and position her arm closer to her face. Her omni-tool appeared less glitchy as she was on the surface, and since the storm was gone.

Shepard let out a shuddering sigh of relief. She felt like she could burst into tears, her resolve crumbled away at the sight of her father, and the sunlight of the surface of Helyme. She didn't know how they made it out from so deep underground, and that the arthenn ruins didn't become their tomb.

"Shepard to _Normandy,_ this is Shepard. I need an immediate extraction. I found the target, I repeat, I found the target…" Shepard rasped again, her voice dry from dehydration.

"Shepard? Oh my God, I thought we lost you!" Joker's shocked voice replied back to her.

She couldn't help but smile and let out an exasperated chuckle at the sound of his voice.

"You have no idea how good it is to hear your voice. Are you able to track my coordinates?"

"Yeah, Shepard, I got you. Headed toward you now!" Joker replied.

Minutes later the _Normandy_ landed nearby. Shepard attempted to lift her father up, but she could barely get up herself. Liara, James, and EDI came running toward them from out of the tree line.

"Shepard! Thank the goddess!" Liara exclaimed as she immediately went to Shepard's side to help lift her up.

"You found your pops!" James pointed out in disbelief.

Their concerned voices began to fade as Shepard found herself losing consciousness again. Even with her arm slung around Liara, she couldn't stand upright on her own. Shepard's head lolled forward as the _Normandy's_ dock drifted into sight.

Shepard awoke with a start. Her eyes slowly adjusted to the all too familiar sight of the Ned bay's ceiling. The muffled hum of the _Normandy_ was almost music to the commander's ears. She sat up, feeling the stinging tug of an IV in her arm. She peered down at her hands, happy to see them clean of any mud.

"Commander Shepard, you're finally awake." Chakwas observed aloud from her desk. "Before you ask, you've been unconscious for nearly seven hours. Garrus and your father have yet to come to."

Shepard turned her head in shock to see her father and Garrus lying on the other hospital beds. Her father still looked peaceful, but Garrus looked horribly beaten.

"What happened to Garrus?" Shepard asked, startled.

"According to Major Alenko they were attacked by an unknown creature. Garrus' lungs and chest cavity were nearly crushed. I'm keeping him in a medically induced coma for his own good, the pain would be unbearable." Chakwas remarked, grimly.

"Garrus… I'm so sorry…" Shepard whispered guiltily, trying to get up from her hospital bed to go to him.

"Don't move, Commander. That IV needs to stay in your arm. You need some fluids in you." Chakwas advised.

"What about my dad? Is he okay?"

"Major Kobayashi is stable. His vitals all were normal. I think his body is just resting from exhaustion."

Shepard laid her head back onto her pillow, her thoughts racing a million miles a minute. Everything that occurred on Helyme seemed to be memories from a bad dream.

"Shepard, what went on down there?" Chawkwas asked, getting up from her desk. "Kaidan submitted his report to Admiral Hackett, and apparently the events he claimed happened are odd enough for him to want me to perform a psych evaluation on him. He was going on and on about a giant, black tentacle and you sinking into the ground like you were possessed, or being pulled under? Sounds very hard to believe."

"I don't remember sinking into the ground. All I remember is feeling cold and dark, like I lost myself in my own head," Shepard explained, closing her eyes as she recalled her memories. " I did wake up underground, very far underground, where I found some arthenn ruins. My dad was hiding there. He kept rambling on about nonsense, I don't even think he knows I'm his daughter…" her voice trailed off.

Dr. Chakwas waited politely for her to continue.

"He didn't tell me anything about what happened to the _Munich_ or his crew. And I don't understand how he isn't malnourished, and he hasn't aged a day. He said some kind of name, something my translator couldn't pick up, it sounded very foreign. After that, everything went cold and dark again, then I woke up on the surface. I know it all sounds crazy. Hearing about a giant tentacle monster doesn't seem that odd considering everything that's going on."

"Admiral Hackett wants a full debrief when you're able. Honestly I told him the major's should've been enough. He needs to focus on finishing the Crucible, and you need to focus on going after Cerberus."

Shepard shot up from her bed, startling the doctor.

"The tracer on Kai Leng, I totally forgot!" Shepard exclaimed, cursing herself for forgetting something so crucial to their mission.

She felt like she had nearly forgotten about the Reapers, and the fact that she was in the middle of a galactic war. Helyme had muddled her mind; the very energy of that planet and the desperation to find her father threw her off. Now that she found him, she felt even more confused than before.

"I need to prepare-" Shepard attempted to get up, but Chakwas gently pushed her back down into the bed.

"The _Normandy's_ already set to head towards Cerberus' Headquarters. Joker was just waiting for you to give the order. You need to wait until that IV bag is empty before you leave. In the meantime, give your mother a call. She deserves to know that Major Kobayashi is alive."

Chakwas started toward the med bay door. "I'll give you some privacy," she announced before leaving."

Shepard was left to collect her jumbled thoughts.


	6. I Was Lost Without You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year! I hope you all enjoy the new chapter, thanks for reading!  
> TW: NSFW

Shepard sat in her cabin, going over data pads as she continuously checked the numbers of statistical success and forces that they had. Despite reading over the information multiple times, she was unable to focus or retain any of it. Her mind was still stuck on Helyme and the call she had with her mother. The war against the Reapers was raging and boarding on an extermination across the galaxy, but Shepard felt too distracted to focus.

The call to Hannah Shepard had been more painful than Shepard had anticipated. Back when she was in the med bay using her omni-tool to reach her mother, her mind was still muddled and hazy; unable to properly process the appropriate emotions. As she told her mother that she found her father alive, she could hear Hannah Shepard trying to hold back her sniffling on the other line. Shepard didn't have the heart to tell her mother about her father's condition, that he was delirious and that he hadn't aged in twenty years. She questioned how she even would begin to explain something so peculiar that she didn't even grasp if it was reality yet.

Yuudai was only a decade older than her now, her own father. She could only imagine her poor mother finally reuniting with her long lost lover, only to discover that she had grown much older than him. It broke her heart to think about, and that wasn't even considering his possibly permanently fractured mental state.

"I doubt Admiral Hackett would allow the _Kilimanjaro_ to stop working on the Crucible to go and dock the _Normandy._ Not for personal reasons at least. We've come too far and the time is nearing to launch it, so…" Her mother's voice tried to sound stern, but Shepard could hear the hint of sadness in it.

"After it's completed, when everything is done, you can come see him." Shepard replied, her voice a little too high to be natural.

Hannah didn't respond right away. The silence grew between them until it was almost physically painful. Neither one of them had the heart to bring up the all too real grim reality of the situation. This war has brought on many casualties, and it was far from being the last.

"Dad needs constant medical supervision after being ship-wrecked for so long, so he won't be going anywhere. You'll be able to see him soon, I promise."

"I know, Adrienne, I know. You did amazing work down there, I can't wait to hear all about your rescue. And I know Yuudai couldn't be more grateful and proud of you, as am I." Hannah said lovingly.

Shepard blinked away tears as she peered over at her father in the hospital bed beside her. His comatose body rested soundly. The guilt of concealing the whole truth from her mother felt like a punch to the gut.

"We'll talk later, I know you're very busy. Be strong, and stay safe. Tell Yuudai I miss him. Love you." Hannah chimed in, cutting into Shepard's silence.

The call played over and over again in her head. Even hours later she felt sick to her stomach. Her mother was so excited to see him again, and she didn't even know if she would even be able to see him again at all.

Shepard stood up from her cabin couch, bringing the datapad with her as she went over to her desk. She saw that she had several unread emails, and requests from her own crew to find out what went on down on Helyme. She avoided speaking to any of them after her release from the med bay, even Kaidan. She knew they wanted to know why she had disappeared, and what happened to Garrus, but she had no way to even begin to piece together the events coherently. She threw the datapad down in frustration, slamming her fist down onto the desk.

 _Get a damn grip! In a few hours we'll be arriving to Cerberus Headquarters. You need to be focused to stop the Illusive Man and that bastard Kai Leng._ She thought to herself in a scolding manner.

The sound of her door whooshing open behind her made her spin around. Kaidan entered, holding a bottle of wine and some glasses. He looked absolutely drained.

"Hey, can't sleep either?" He asked, trying to be nonchalant.

"No," Shepard answered, hanging her head as she spoke.

Kaidan came fully into her cabin, walking by her. "Making yourself crazy with this won't help."

"It's been a long day, or almost two days I should say. But too much time has been lost in preparation, and I've been distracted long enough. Kaidan, I need to-"

Kaidan shushed her, turning back on his heel to face the stressed commander.

"Shepard, I watched you sink into the ground yesterday, like quicksand in those old adventure vids. I thought I lost you forever, and I couldn't even figure out how or why."

Shepard remained quiet; his brows furrowed, recalling the agony of his memory.

"I thought you died, and I'm still trying to process the thought of losing you for a second time as I watched helplessly."

"Kaidan, I-" Shepard managed to choke out.

Kaidan shushed her again. "I spent the last day reporting to Hackett on your behalf as you recovered, trying to explain to him what happened. I know he didn't believe me, and honestly I don't even believe it myself…"

Shepard felt even worse than she did before. She felt awful for not considering Kaidan's feelings.

"Indulge me. Just take five minutes. A quick drink, and then I'll go," he said with a shrug. He headed over to the couch and placed the wine and glasses on the table.

She knew he was right, and it was the least she could do for him. The tension between them had driven a wedge in their relationship, even with him standing in her cabin she felt out of place. She forced herself to try and relax for Kaidan's sake.

"Shepard, you know that you've done everything you could, right?" Kaidan changed the subject, pouring the wine into one of the glasses. "After finding your dad alive when he's been missing twenty years on top of everything? I'd say you'd done more than everything."

"I hope so. I keep running the numbers so see if I've missed something. And my dad… that's a completely different hurdle to climb." Shepard sighed, taking the glass Kaidan offered her.

"You don't have to take this all on yourself. Look to your crew, to the talented people fighting by your side."

"Talented people like Garrus, and he got hurt doing a personal favor for me." Shepard deadpanned as she snatched the bottle from him, and plopped herself down on the couch. She took a deep sip of the wine, hoping the buzz would take over quickly.

"You know any of us would do that, and more for you, Shepard. Garrus knew the risks, and he's still alive." Kaidan replied, still trying to lift her spirits as he joined her on the couch. "What you've accomplished is just nothing short of amazing. I'd wish you'd see what I saw."

Both of them put their glasses down on the table, as Kaidan sat facing her, trying to get her to look at him and take in what he was saying fully.

"It's gonna be-" he began, shaking his head as he struggled to find words of comfort, "-it's gonna be what it is." He concluded.

Shepard looked down at her hands, sullen, avoiding Kaidan's knowing gaze. Her arms and hand were still horribly bruised from Helyme; her body barely had time to recover. She could feel the overworked strain throbbing in her muscles.

"Shepard, I wish you would tell me what's been bothering you."

She looked up at him, biting her lip as she forced herself to hold her tongue. Nightmares plagued her every time she slept, voices that only she could hear haunted her without warning. She felt cold and scared all the time, but she didn't know how to express all of this to him.

She opened her mouth to admit it all to him, let her emotions spill out in long overdue confessions, but her throat constricted almost instantly. She closed her mouth again, then hung her head in shame.

Kaidan reached out and gripped her hand softly.

"I know whatever you're going through isn't easy, just know that I'm here for you. You can tell me." He uttered gently, now fully grasping her hand between his palms.

Shepard couldn't help but smile at the touching, pure gesture.

"What're you thinking about right now?" She asked, trying to change the subject.

"The good times, and the hard times. Heh, it's been an unforgettable few years." He said with a comforting smile.

"I'll never forget that first night we bunked together," Shepard reminisced.

Her thoughts returned to their night in Ilos. The two of them were fueled by the thrill of fierce attraction, forbidden romance, and the possibility that this one night could be their last chance. Her old cabin on the SR1 had been cramped and dimly lit. She remembered crawling over his naked body in the near darkness. The sex that night had been the most intense she ever had. She remembered both of their biotics flaring during their near climax, basking the room in a blue light as they fought against the zero-gravity taking over their session of rough love making.

She wished she could go back to that time more than anything. There was such a rawness to their relationship back then. It was before all the sadness and finality took over.

Kaidan's cheeks turned red as he recalled the same memory, his smile growing wider. He let out a coy laugh: "Yeah of course not, that was uh- pretty spectacular, if I remember right."

"Mm-hmm," Shepard agreed with a chuckle of her own.

Staring into his soft, amber colored eyes put her at ease. Her heart suddenly swelled with love and admiration for Kaidan in this moment.

"You're exactly what I need right now, Kaidan." Shepard leaned into him, letting her previous worries slip away with the touch of his lips to hers.

His rough palm lovingly held her face as they kissed, then dropped down to her slender neck. Warmth bloomed inside her stomach, spreading throughout her body. They pulled away from each other. His hand cupped her chin as he grinned at her.

"I lied, I didn't come here for a quick drink," he admitted.

Shepard couldn't help but smile impishly. She climbed onto his lap fully. She gently ran her hand down his cheekbones, feeling the roughness of his five-o-clock shadow he was growing in.

"I'm sorry for being so distant lately. I'm having trouble coping with some things I don't understand. With everything going on, I think the stress is actually breaking me down. Dr. Chakwas was right; you were right. My anxiety is far too high." Shepard admitted herself.

"Anyone would feel stressed in your situation, Shepard. No one is holding that against you. You've done more than any ordinary person could do, and just know feeling this way doesn't make you weak."

She felt instant relief from his reassurance. She continued to lovingly stroke his face. "I love you."

"I've always loved you, through all these years, through everything. I'm the luckiest man alive." Kaidan replied, soothingly.

His words moved her. She leaned in for another kiss, welcoming his arms to wrap around her. She kissed him deeply, letting herself get lost in the moment. Overcome with emotion, she let the kiss continue until it started to become heated and passionate. Kaidan gripped her thighs, and hoisted her up. She wrapped her legs around his hips as his hands secured her back. He maneuvered expertly around the table and to Shepard's bed.

He placed Shepard at the edge of her bed, and hastily met her lips again. She returned his kiss feverously, guiding his hand to unzip her hoodie. She blindly groped for his belt, and began to undo it as he clumsily tried removing her hoodie. Their matched eagerness made Shepard laugh as the two of them momentarily pulled apart so they could fully undress. Kaidan removed his pants, while Shepard pulled her tank top off over her head, revealing her bra. Kaidan paused to look at her, the two of them stripped down to their underwear.

"Not getting cold feet are you, Major?" Shepard teased, turning her back to him so he could undo her bra.

"No- you're… you're just beautiful, Shepard…" he commented, rather quietly almost as if he was bashful.

She glanced over her freckled shoulder, seeing how lovingly he beamed at her, as if he was in awe. Shepard couldn't help but blush, feeling the same excited rush she experienced their first night together. That was something she admired about Kaidan, even after being intimate for years he still managed to make their relationship feel fresh and special.

He approached closer, his hand reaching up to her messy bun, and undid her hair. It cascaded down her back, as he ran his fingers through it. Shepard closed her eyes, enjoying the feeling of tenderness.

"You really are beautiful, Shepard." He repeated, his voice low like a pur.

"Thank you," Shepard whispered back, lamely. She felt dumb that it was the only response she could muster.

She longed for him deeply, and wished to ignite the hasty passion they were headed to a moment ago. As much as she loved the delicate silence, she wanted to fill the quiet atmosphere to drown out her anxious thoughts. She leaned her torso over the bed, sticking her rear in the air to get Kaidan's attention. She tugged down on the lace seams of her underwear. Kaidan seemed to freeze, still holding a lock of her hair in his hand. She sat up slightly to twist around and reach Kaidan's hand, coaxing him on further.

Kaidan obliged, grabbing a fistful of her hair, and pulling her underwear down. He did the same with his own, then proceeded to thrust into her.

Shepard felt somewhat guilty, knowing Kaidan wanted to have a slower paced intimate night, savoring their possible last night together. But the sentimental treatment was causing Shepard to crack and feel as if she'd come completely undone. Tender intimacy meant facing her love head on, which meant the possibility of either of them not making it rear its ugly head.

"Faster," Shepard yelped, egging him on to clear her thoughts.

Instead of continuing, Kaidan stopped. Shepard sat up, turning around to face him. Even though he was fully erect, he didn't look immersed in their impersonal love making. She felt bad again, knowing he came up here as a declaration of their love, and not just lustful sex.

"I want this night to last, Shepard. At this rate I'll just finish and end up falling asleep." He admitted, sheepishly.

Shepard sighed, smiling at him adoringly.

"Okay, Kaidan, we'll do it your way." She murmured seductively.

Shepard reached behind her back and undid her bra. She pulled the straps down, letting the bra fall on the cabin floor by her discarded clothes, her breasts now fully exposed.

* * *

It was nearly an hour later, but time was forgotten between the two lovers as they made love on Shepard's bed. Sweaty and panting, Kaidan lay on top. His hips tiredly working as he thrust deeper into her, moaning in pleasure. His hands cupped her breasts, stroking her nipples in circles. She squirmed with delight from underneath him, her back arching as he continued on. He lazily leaned down to suck on her breast, making her wail out in satisfaction. Their foreplay had lasted long, but now she could feel herself ready to climax.

Shepard let out an even louder moan, as Kaidan did the same. The two of them suddenly lit blue as their biotics flared to life. She could feel a great release of tremendous pressure as they set off a shockwave, knocking the long forgotten glasses and bottle off the table.

Kaidan rolled off of her as their biotics flickered out. Both of them lay side by side, panting as if they'd run a marathon, watching the steady jet stream of the FTL drive power them through space. Shepard reached out and gripped his sweaty palm to hold his hand.

"I came," Shepard announced, breathlessly.

The two of them laughed, still winded.

"I know, so did I."

Kaidan maneuvered himself behind Shepard to spoon her as she turned on her side. He hugged her from behind as her heavy eyelids drooped in exhaustion.

"Your heart is pounding," Kaidan observed.

"So is yours."

After a moment of silence, Shepard could feel herself drifting off to sleep, too tired to get up and shower the sweat and pheromones away. Kaidan's breathing slowed, joining her in sleepiness.

"I love you, Shepard." He mumbled from behind her, his face pressed against her hair.

"I love you, too." Shepard drowsily replied back.

For the first time in weeks, she felt pure bliss.

* * *

Shepard found herself in a forest smoldering with ash and shadows. She tried to run, but her movement felt slowed like she was underwater. The shadows stood hazily in groups, their voices whispers of the past that haunted Shepard. She ran through the shadows to break them up into dust, but even as they faded their voices still carried in the wind.

" _No apologies, did what was right. Hope you do the same if necessary."_

Mordin's unique speech pattern and fast-paced dialogue made her stop and think about the salarian. Hearing him call her name like he was far away and needed to be saved made her stomach churn. She thought about him in the elevator going up the Shroud to stop the genophage. She watched her friend trapped in an explosion and could do nothing to stop it.

Shepard continued to run in slow-motion, trying to break free of her guilt of watching Mordin die. The whispers only followed her; it was almost cruel.

" _Don't make the same mistakes I did, there's always another mission. None of them are an excuse to make yourself an island."_

" _It seems there'll be no one to mourn me when I die. You're the only friend I've made in ten years."_

Thane's deep voice shared its wisdom and her heart sank once again. She tried to save him from Kai Leng, shooting as the two warriors fought, but his blade had fatally stabbed the assassin. She vowed revenge on Leng, not just for his work on Thessia or Cerberus, but for Thane. She always blamed herself for being too slow, just as Leng taunted her in Thessia. He was right.

" _Shepard-Commander, help us. Does this unit have a soul?"_

Legion's robotic voice whispered as if it was pleading. She couldn't take it, knowing a geth's death wouldn't grant an afterlife. Not that Shepard herself was religious, but the thought of being deleted from existence frightened her, and it weighed heavy to watch Legion shut down on Rannoch.

The commander pressed forward in her same slow-moving fashion, feeling like she was being held back by anchors. She wanted to run out of this strange forest, escape the torment that constantly burdened her soul. The trees seemed endless and as grey and depressing as her thoughts.

" _That won't happen, go get him, Commander! I'll see you all when you get back!"_

" _Whatever you come up with, you can count me in."_

Ashley's voice made her stop in her tracks. Her best friend who she left to die on Virmire because she couldn't stand the thought of losing Kaidan. Ash knew about Shepard's feelings for Kaidan, and the worst is she knew that Shepard wouldn't have been able to give him up. She let Ashley die on purpose, and that had always left a gaping hole in her heart. She never forgave herself for her betrayal.

The voices called her name. She covered her ears and clenched her eyes shut as the whispers echoed relentlessly in her head. The sound of a child's laugh broke through the voices and made her open her eyes. A small boy in a hoodie ran through the forest, his movements much faster than her own. She chased after him, trying to catch up with the boy. He occasionally stopped to pick up a dead leaf in childlike curiosity, but as soon as Shepard neared he would begin to run off again.

Eventually the child stopped, facing her. She slowed down as she came to recognize the child. He was the boy she saw in Vancouver on Earth. He had jumped into an Alliance Kodiak to escape the Reaper invasion, but ended up being shot out of the sky. She often thought of him, wishing she would've made a better effort to save him during the invasion. Someone came out from behind a tree. Shepard paled when she realized she was looking at herself. She knelt down and hugged the child, but it didn't seem warm and inviting. Shepard noticed her doppelganger's eyes were completely black, and her smile was stretched wickedly. The two caught on fire suddenly, bursting violently into flames before Shepard's eyes.

_**You can't help me.** _

Shepard awoke with a start, gasping for breath as her senses came flooding back to her. She peered up at her cabin's ceiling, watching the stars pass by at light speed. She could feel Kaidan's arm around her and hear him sleeping soundly beside her.

Shepard gently moved Kaidan's arm to be careful not to stir him awake. She got up and headed toward the bathroom, carefully stepping around the broken wine bottle and glasses from earlier, to prepare herself for Cerberus Headquarters. She checked her omni-tool, seeing that they'd be arriving in an hour. The dream had left her feeling sour and lethargic; even as she readied herself and dressed in her underarmor she didn't feel any sort of adrenaline course through her veins. She let Kaidan sleep as she silently prepared herself and pushed the voices back in her head.

As Shepard got ready Kaidan woke up to find the bed empty. He looked over and saw the bathroom light on and drowsily got himself up to check on Shepard. He leaned against the door frame, naked, watching Shepard brush her hair. Shepard acknowledged him but didn't speak, turning her focus back to preparing herself for the mission.

"What's up?" Kaidan questioned, his voice still drowsy with sleep.

She sighed, breaking eye contact with herself in the mirror. "Are we gonna make it, Kaidan?"

Kaidan looked at her with concern, seeing the self-doubt clear on her face. He came fully into the bathroom, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"We're ready. You've put the people together, the vision, and what you've done Shepard is build hope."

Shepard looked over at him in uncertainty.

"I'm glad I inspire that in you, but sometimes..." her voice trailed off, knowing that he wasn't going to let it go until she was sure of herself. She caressed his face lovingly. "You're right. Give us hope and a fighting chance. Hell, the Reapers better watch themselves." She pecked him on the lips, then went back to doing her hair. She started to pull it back into a high, strict bun.

"We're almost to headquarters?" Kaidan questioned, leaving the bathroom to gather his discarded clothes from the floor.

"Yeah, less than an hour now."

"Alright, I'll go get my armor ready. See you soon, Shepard," Kaidan replied, giving her a drowsy smile.

She wished their moment together wouldn't end as she watched him leave, somewhat begrudgingly.


	7. Cerberus Headquarters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay with this chapter - this semester has been especially grueling.   
> I hope you all enjoy this chapter. Thank you for reading!

Shepard finished changing into her signature red N7 armor, making sure it was free of any chinks or dents. She double-checked that her omni-tool was synced, and that her shields weren’t malfunctioning; she knew Cerberus’ Headquarters was going to have a strong resistance, and after her encounter on Helyme she wasn’t taking any chances. Before she headed out of her cabin she checked her reflection in the bathroom, struggling to shimmy through the doorway in her bulky armor.

“You got this, you know this is your only chance.” She told herself.

Her appearance still seemed so worn; her eyelids drooping and the circles underneath her eyes darker than ever. Her paled skin made the dark circles look worse. She licked her chapped lips, noticing how dull and paled they also appeared. She knew she looked ill, and that her enemies would take one look at her and see a weakness easy to exploit. The thought of the Illusive Man sneering in triumph at her beaten down form made anger boil at the pit of her stomach.

“I’m coming for you, fucker.” She growled, picturing the Illusive Man’s smug face.

She left her bathroom and her cabin, making her way to the elevator. She had forty-five minutes to finish preparing, which meant heading to the shuttle bay armory and suiting up with her weapons, then she had to let Hackett know it was time for the main assault. She knew she had to pay a visit to the med bay to check on Garrus and her father before the mission, the guilt was tugging harshly at her heart strings. 

In the elevator she rode down in a short and quiet solace, despite the dawning realization and finality of what she was about to do. The stakes were well beyond astronomical, but in the eye of the hurricane she felt a stillness and clung onto it as long as she could. The elevator doors whooshing open disturbed her moment of peace as deck three greeted her with a rush of activity. The crew was running around, preparing as they circled the horizon of the Horsehead Nebula. Outside of the med bay Tali stood, her quarian armor on, staring through the windows at Chakwas working.

“Shepard,” Tali greeted without breaking her focus. 

“How are they?” Shepard asked, standing beside her friend.

“No change worth noting. Dr. Chakwas stopped administering anesthesia to see how Garrus would do. The pain was so unbearable for him she had to put him back into a coma. Your father hasn’t awoken, but his vitals are still strong.” Tali paused her explanation, hinting that she wanted to say more but held herself back.

“What is it?” Shepard probed. 

“Shepard, what happened down on Helyme? You retreated right to your cabin after you left the med bay. You’ve been ignoring us for a week and none of us understand why. What is going on with you?” Tali said after a long sigh.

“It’s… it’s hard to explain, Tali, I’m sorry. I know I’ve been distant…” 

“That’s not good enough, Shepard.” Tali snapped, now looking at Shepard directly. “Haven’t we all proven our loyalty to you time and time again? I’ve never turned my back on you, even when you were with Cerberus - same with Garrus. In return you keep us in the dark, and now look what happened…” Tali looked back through the window at Garrus, lying on the hospital bed.

Shepard didn’t respond, she took in the silence knowing Tali was right. Kaidan had told her the same thing just hours before about relying on her crew. 

“I know you’re going through a lot, Shepard, just please don’t shut us out. We’re in this with you, until the end.” Tali added, her tone softer. “You can’t do this all on your own.”

Shepard placed a gentle hand on Tali’s shoulder.

“You’re right, Tali, and I’m sorry. Maybe after this whole thing, I’ll finally be able to articulate what is going on with me. It’s hard to form words when I don’t even understand myself…”

“I know you will, Shepard. I’ll see you down on the station.” Tali replied, coolly, looking back at the med bay.

As Shepard turned on her heel to leave, Liara came rushing out of her chambers, then immediately back-peddled as if she had forgotten something. Curious, Shepard decided to go check on the asari. As Shepard opened the doors, Glyph greeted her, drawing Liara’s attention away from her computer console. 

“Shepard- I was just about to meet you down at the armory.” Liara said as she typed furiously away.

“Something come up for you?” Shepard asked, looking at her console.

Liara sighed and stopped typing. To Shepard it looked like she was hiding something, seeing the hesitation clear on her face. She motioned Shepard to come toward her console to look at something on the screen. Shepard leaned in and saw a list of communications between people, she didn’t recognize the names. There was also a logo plastered digitally in the corner, one that looked like a ship. Whatever she was showing Shepard seemed classified, but Shepard was still puzzled.

“What is this?” 

“I never told you, I’m sorry it was classified and just didn’t seem like it was important to you at the time, but…” Liara sighed, giving her head a little shake. “I think it’s worth telling you about the Andromeda Initiative.” 

“Andromeda? Like the galaxy coming toward the Milky Way? I remember hearing about a group coming together to use resources to try and possibly set off for Andromeda, but from what I heard on the news they ran out of funding and dissolved.” 

“They didn’t dissolve, some mysterious benefactor came through with an astronomical amount of credits and helped complete the funding. They left for Andromeda a year ago with 100,000 participants on board.” Liara explained.

“Damn, that’s a lot of people risking it all on an unknown. Isn’t it a one way trip? Even faster than the speed of light the trip would take-”

“Hundreds of years, yes.” Liara finished, her eyes going downcast. “The council knew about the Andromeda Initiative, even if they didn’t believe in it at first, I know they’re thankful for its launch now. Shepard, the true purpose of the Initiative isn’t further space exploration, it’s to preserve the Milky Way species…”

Shepard felt her throat go dry. There was an entire backup plan launched for the Reaper Invasion, and she wasn’t told about it. Liara stepped back slightly, seeing her expression darken as she stared at the computer screen. The communications between the individuals Jien Garson and Alec Ryder displayed casually on the screen, but Shepard felt a pit of resentment toward these strangers.

“I wasn’t aware that the project was ongoing until I became the Shadow Broker. Back in 2182 Alec Ryder had contacted me about the idea of it, and wanted information about the protheans. I didn’t think much of it until I saw the amount of money through my contacts being moved around. A few months ago I contacted Alec again to let him know the Reapers arrived, but he was already in stasis. I just attempted to contact the Hyperion and the asari ark again, but they have officially reached beyond contact. Radio signals would take a long time to reach them… they’re past the point of no return.”

“Why wasn’t I told about this, Liara? I don’t understand…” Shepard began.

“It happened quickly. Like I said, I didn’t know Jien Garson would be able to keep the project afloat until that benefactor started to solely supply the mission. They wanted them to leave in a hurry, they believed you about the Reapers.” Liara explained.

“So your interest is in the benefactor?”

“Yes, what their true identity is. Understand that the Andromeda Initiative was highly classified to protect from Reaper knowledge, or anyone who would try to sabotage the trip. Now that they’re far enough away, it can slowly be released to the public. But nevermind that, what bothers me is that amount of credits the benefactor poured into this unknown outcome. I’m talking quintillions of credits, Shepard.”

“Who is  _ that  _ rich, especially now?” Shepard mumbled aloud.

“That’s exactly what I’m saying, I wanted to bring it to your attention because of who I think is responsible…”

Shepard glanced over at Liara, her mouth agape as the realization dawned on her. 

“You think the benefactor is the Illusive Man,” Shepard finally said.

“Yes. The benefactor works through agents and is so well hidden that even I can’t uncover who they are with my resources. Jien and Alec knew who they were, but I couldn’t get an answer from them and now it’s too late…” Liara sighed. “I’m sorry, Shepard, I should’ve told you sooner. I just wanted to let you know now before we got to Cerberus’ Headquarters to see if we can find any information about the Andromeda Initiative. Maybe the Illusive Man was trying to help humanity after all…”

“No!” Shepard snapped, Liara visibly recoiled. “The Illusive Man is an insane, xenophobic person who let his love of control cloud his judgement. Why would he help aliens go with humans to Andromeda if he wanted to help?”

“I don’t know, Shepard, but I think we’ll find out more as soon as he dock the headquarters.” Liara replied.

“You’re right, and Liara… thank you for telling me.” Shepard said before leaving the room in a huff.

* * *

In the war room, Shepard patched Hackett through. His digital figure materialled in a shade of blue before her eyes. 

“Shepard, the intel you sent looks good. The fleets are ready to go…” Hackett began immediately.

“But?” Shepard questioned, knowing his tone didn’t sound definite. 

“Once we’re committed against Cerberus, it won’t be long before the Reapers take notice.” He warned.

“And the Crucible?”

“Ready, except for the Catalyst, but there’s no way to hide the ships we’ll be sending at Cerberus. Once we attack, the Crucible won’t stay safe for long. For all intents and purposes, an assault on Cerberus will be the first stage of our attack on Earth.” Hackett informed her.

“What happens if Cerberus doesn’t have the intel we need? Or they stop us from getting it?” Shepard hated asking that question, but she knew she couldn’t go in blind. 

“Then we lead the fleets to Earth and take our chances. But your intel points to Cerberus and the Illusive Man holding the information we’re looking for. And… we have the element of surprise. Cerberus won’t know what hit them.” Hackett answered confidently. 

Shepard gave the admiral a firm nod, for the first time today she felt resolve about the upcoming mission. 

“The Reapers and Cerberus started this. Now we’re going to end it.” Shepard replied, her tone steady.

“I’ll get the fleets mobilized,” Hackett said. 

The feed broke off as the two of them turned and left their communications to prepare. The adrenaline started to course through her body, she felt her hands jitter from caged up energy and anticipation. The war room displayed Cerberus Headquarters - a long, slender space station that had been hiding around the rotation of the dying supergiant star, Anadius. Her crew surrounded the display, all eyeing the station with animosity and determination.

_ Cronos Station.  _ Shepard thought, reading the name on the digital display.

Hackett’s voice spoke through the intercom as a location marker blinked on the display. 

“The strike team is in. We’ve got our foothold.” Hackett announced. “Fifth Fleet, all forward! I don’t want a single Cerberus ship in my sky when we’re through.”

“Okay, people, we’re going to be splitting up into groups again,” Shepard announced. “I need teams to help support the Alliance’s foothold and keep Cerberus reinforcements from stopping me from finding the Catalyst. Understood?” 

“Shepard, I should accompany you on this mission,” EDI interjected.

“Why?” Shepard asked, EDI had never suggested to join her team before.

“This is the central point of operations for Cerberus. They will have enhanced security measures.” EDI explained simply. “With my knowledge of Cerberus algorithms and this body’s updated protocols, I offer the best chance to help you succeed.”

“Good point, okay you’ll join Kaidan and I.” Shepard agreed, then turned to face the rest of her crew. 

“Tali, you have an expertise in tech; you have the best chance of hacking your way out of a bad situation in case you guys get stuck. I want you to lead the second team.” 

“Of course, Shepard,” Tali answered confidently.

“James, I want you to help her lead - your leadership and combat experience is needed to clear through any resistance that you’ll see down there,” Shepard added.

“Hell yeah, I’m ready to kick their sorry asses!” James roared, already pumped for the mission ahead. 

“Javik and Liara, you both will support them. Javik you’re a powerful warrior, but I also need you to be on the lookout for any prothean tech or VIs. Liara, do the same. Both of your biotics should be enough to help fight off any Cerberus troops.” 

“Very well, Commander. I just hope we aren’t launching this assault for nothing,” Javik huffed.

“As optimistic as ever…” Liara responded sarcastically. 

“Okay, to the airlock! You all know your positions, let’s move out!” Shepard dismissed, they all ran ahead in a hurry. 

As Shepard, Kaidan and EDI made their way out of the war room, Shepard went to check in on Joker. Traynor gave her a stern nod as she walked by, which Shepard returned. She was happy to see her looking like a determined soldier. Coming up to the cockpit, Shepard jogged up behind Joker’s piolet seat.

“Joker, what’s our status?” She demanded.

“We’ve got a foothold, but it’s not much, Commander. Lot of fighters guarding the launch bays.” Joker reported.

“That’s why we’re sending in two teams, I need more muscle for this one. Can you get us in?”

Joker looked back at her, aghast that she would even question his abilities. 

“Hey, I got us to Ilos. I can do this.” Joker faced forward again. “Might be a bumpy ride, though,” he added. 

“Do what you can.” Shepard said, her confidence in Joker unwavering. She looked over at Kaidan and EDI, noting how quiet Kaidan had been the past couple hours. “You guys good?”

“Yeah, Shepard. Just ready to end this,” Kaidan piped up, nearly lost in his thoughts.

“Shepard, I am ready.” EDI affirmed. 

Hearing this, Joker whirled back around again in his chair.

“Wait what? Are you crazy? You can’t go to Cerberus Headquarters! They could have a virus, or a kill-switch, or…” Joker snapped.

“I will be fine, Jeff,” EDI interrupted. 

“Head to the shuttle you two, I’ll meet you there in a sec,” Shepard dismissed. 

Kaidan and EDI both hurried off. Shepard watched Kaidan, feeling sad that she didn’t have more time to talk to him before the mission. She wondered if she had done something to offend him, thinking back to their pleasant time they had in her cabin just a few hours before. He was always so poised, she wasn’t used to seeing him nervous. She made a note to try and ask him when they landed.

“Fifth Fleet’s cut through their line. They’re regrouping. Now’s as good a time as any.” Joker cut in.

Shepard looked down at Joker, feeling bad for him.

“I know it hurts not being able to go with her,” Shepard said gently.

“Yeah, it sucks. Thanks for bringing it up.” Joker dead-panned. 

Shepard left, knowing he was only going to dismiss his pain with humor. As Shepard left the cockpit to join her crew, Joker’s voice called out again.

“Hey, Shepard. Keep her safe.” 

“Same to you.”

* * *

In the Kodiak, Shepard sat beside Steve to help him copilot. Shepard glanced at him, seeing him grit his teeth as he launched the shuttle out of the  _ Normandy _ . The intensity on his face matched the firefight going on outside the ship. Alliance fighters were already shooting at Cerberus forces. Steve maneuvered around missiles and bullets, pushing the shuttle toward Cronos as fast as possible. Shepard looked back to see Kaidan and EDI hanging to railing as tightly as they could. 

Right as the shuttle flew into one of the Cronos docking bay’s, the power to the shuttle cut off with a lurch. The Kodiak fell instantly to the ground, sliding into a pile of crates. Without saying a word, Shepard leapt up out of her seat and left the shuttle, EDI and Kaidan right behind her. They took cover behind the downed Kodiak as Cerberus troops prepared on the other side.

“Everything okay, Cortez?” Shepard asked through her omni-tool communication.

“I’m fine. I got repairs to make here. Give Cerberus hell!” He replied, hastily. 

Shepard went to work, taking out her Black Widow and sniping the troops in her line of sight. She could hear their voices, panicked and shouting orders, but she was too focused on her shots to make any use of what they were saying. Some Cerberus soldiers took shots at her from the upper balcony of the docking bay.

“Commander, watch out!” Kaidan shouted.

He threw a Warp at one of the soldiers, throwing off their shot from Shepard. A group of Cerberus Assault troops tried to spray her and EDI with covering fire. She dodge rolled out of the way, then retaliated with a Shockwave. She hid behind a large crate, reloading her rifle to prepare for the next wave.

“Commander, mechs inbound!” Kaidan warned. 

He stood further up from her, hitting one of the Atlas mechs with an Overload. He aimed blindly through the smoke bombs the enemy deployed. Shepard peered through her scope; the infrared made the mechs visible, and she started shooting. A few soldiers boarded some fighters and escaped the docking bay, nearly hitting EDI and Kaidan as they flew by. 

“Dammit, I hate these fucking mechs,” Shepard swore under her breath, watching EDI hit one of them with another Overload. 

They were pinned down as the mechs shot them with their heavy machine guns. Forced to stay in cover Shepard threw a cluster of grenades at one of the mechs. It hit its armor but didn’t inflict as much damage as she hoped it would. In return the mech tried to hit her with a missile, and another soldier threw a grenade at her - she was forced to flee from her position. Frustrated, Shepard sprinted up to the mech head on, shooting him with bullets as she covered her pinned down team. She threw another group of cluster grenades. This time the Atlas mech finally exploded. A sniper from the balcony took her shot at Shepard; the bullet pierced her shields.

“Goddammit!” Shepard cursed, throwing a Singularity at the sniper to throw her off. 

Shepard switched to her M-7 Lancer and made a dash toward the ladder. She climbed up quickly, listening to the sniper above grunt in exasperation from the Singularity, and the biotics Kaidan was launching at her. Right as Shepard pulled herself up, the sniper whipped toward her, but EDI blew her up with Incinerate.

“My God…” Shepard muttered, stepping over the sniper’s charred remains. 

“Security breach in Hangar 16. Initiating Achilles Protocol,” a female voice announced over the loudspeaker. 

“Shepard, Cerberus intends to vent the hangar bay!” EDI’s voice urgently informed her over her communication device.

“Can you stop them?”

“I need an active console.”

Shepard went through the doors on the upper level. A console was sitting in plain view of the entire hangar. Shepard quickly went over and patched EDI through, typing rapidly on the console.

“EDI I’ve got a console, go!”

EDI raced up behind her, taking over the keyboard. 

“Hangar vent procedure...disabled.” EDI informed.

“Can you open the hangar?”

“No. However I can access their fighter launch controls.” EDI said as she pressed a button and opened the ground on the hangar. One of the fighters came popping out. “Shepard, Cerberus is aware the venting attempt failed. Reinforcements are inbound.” 

Without a further warning more Cerberus troops had already made it to the upper level, and were shooting at them from the other side. The team took cover by the doorway. Shepard switched back to her Black Widow and was able to aim and shoot a Cerberus Guardian right through the eye slit of his shield. Shepard couldn’t help but smile in satisfaction; the rush of combat heightening her senses. She threw a Pull at a different Guardian, ripping his shield from his hands. EDI Incinerated the remaining group blocking their path. 

“Another Cerberus team is inbound,” EDI announced.

“I guess they figured out what we’re trying,” Kaidan added.

“They’re not going to stop us now!” Shepard clipped, charging on ahead. 

The troops before them didn’t stand a chance, even when they tried to conceal themselves with smoke. Shepard launched a Shockwave at them, following up with a fatal shot from her Black Widow, and another cluster of grenades. The two Centurion stragglers left were hit with an Overload from Kaidan, staggering their steps. Shepard killed one with a perfect headshot, but was too micro-focused to notice a grenade that was at her feet. It exploded, tripping her backwards. The Centurion went to take his shot while Shepard was vulnerable, but EDI had Overloaded his shields, and Kaidan had gunned him down.

She nodded at them in thanks, proud at how well they all functioned together. Her and Kaidan’s biotics and weapons worked like a well-oiled machine, while EDI’s technological assistance aided in their preparedness and pursuit forward. The adrenaline was making Shepard feel giddy; for the first time in weeks she felt fully focused and pumped for a mission. 

After fighting their way through the Cerberus infantry, Shepard and her team went through another set of doors. Shepard tapped into the console in the room, making the fighter ship that came out of the ground from earlier reposition itself.

“Overriding safeties. The fighter should now launch toward the hangar door,” EDI informed.

“Perfect, let’s get down there.” Shepard replied.

After sliding down the ladder, EDI rushed to the console on the ground floor. Kaidan and Shepard instinctively took cover, knowing what was going to happen next.

“Launching fighter!” EDI warned, punching in the commands.

The fighter flew into the hull door, crashing through steel in a violent explosion. The sound was extremely loud and disorienting, Shepard’s ears rang uncomfortably and the inside of her head rattled. She couldn’t even hear Kaidan or EDI mention the central lab being ahead. She was forced to snap out if it quickly as an Atlas immerged through the flames of the now gaping hull. Shepard could hazily hear the intercom voice announce about intruders and a lockdown procedure. 

After fighting through more resistance, the team came to a locked door on the far side of the room. Shepard applied Medi-gel to herself; she had taken a few hits while she was recovering during the fight. EDI went to work on hacking through the door, bringing up her own omni-tool.

“How’s Cerberus responding to us trying to get through?” Shepard asked.

“They are sealing off as much of the base as they can. Most obvious routes to the central lab are blocked. Other areas are being fortified. Heavy troopers will attempt to delay us while engineers set up turrets.” EDI reported.

“Any more surprises like venting the hangar?”

“No. I am aware of this facility’s safeguards and can counteract them. Cerberus can merely slow us down.”

“And if we hadn’t brought you along…” Kaidan piped up.

“Cerberus would’ve vented the hangar.” EDI replied coolly. 

EDI mentioned that the Prothean VI would be at the most secure area, which was the heart of the facility. The group ventured deeper into Cronos station, while anxiety started to build in the pit of Shepard’s stomach, her earlier giddiness residing. 

* * *

Another locked door had come to obstruct their path, as EDI got to work she pointed Shepard toward a console that hadn’t been scrubbed yet. It was about Project Lazarus, her reconstruction. Part of Shepard didn’t want to launch the vid, fearing the truths she would have to face. Data and charts of X-rays of her corpse popped up on screen beside the vids. Reluctantly Shepard played the first clip, hearing the doctor and the Illusive Man speak about finding her remains made her feel uneasy. Brain-dead, trauma, no oxygen for a long period of time...

“I didn’t realize it was that bad…” Shepard commented aloud, the concept of her own morality appearing so fragile before her very eyes.

“I thought you were just on life support. Clinically brain-dead…” Kaidan came up behind her, his voice shaky but trying to stay steady. “What was it like? I mean, if you remember… or how do you feel?” 

“You’re asking if there’s an afterlife?” Shepard turned toward him, forcing a weak smile on her quivering lips. “Honestly, the only parts I remember was being spaced and moments before death. It was… really scary and painful, something I think my subconscious is trying to actively forget. And regaining consciousness, I’m not sure if I can recall exactly. All I remember is feeling cold and dark, like being trapped in an empty void. Not sure if that was when I was in a coma during the reconstruction or not…” 

_Cold and dark… maybe that’s why that sinister voice and feeling scares me so much_. _Maybe I'm trying to get through the trauma of experiencing death and being brought back to life,_ she thought vaguely to herself.

Kaidan was mute, looking uneasy after her response. Guilt from his quietness from earlier came rushing back to her.

“I mean, I’m still me, right? If they reconstructed me as something else I wouldn’t have been able to turn against Cerberus.” Shepard added, but she felt some doubt. “Maybe they really just fixed me, or maybe I’m just a high-tech VI that thinks it’s Commander Shepard.” 

Saying it out loud made her shudder, but the possibility of being a robotic copy of her former self had been a dire thought that had been circling in her head for a while. She felt pain the same way, retained memories, bled when she was injured. But the cybernetics that reinforced her body could have replaced her entire organic self. She knew she was mostly a cyborg or close to it at this point, but the thought of being a full VI…

“You’re real enough for me.” Kaidan stated, placing a reassuring hand on Shepard’s shoulder.

She leaned into his touch, feeling immensely relieved that he had said that. She looked over at him, lovingly, wishing she had the right words to say more. She played the next vid, hearing the doctor wary of her Alliance ties while the Illusive Man spoke about playing her like a puppet. The Illusive Man recruited people she knew or could trust, using them as a shield to see his true intentions. Shepard never trusted Cerberus fully, not even when she temporarily worked for them. She decided to shake off her feelings and wait for EDI to finish opening the door.

Through the door Shepard patched through to Tali after Hackett checked up on them. She denied assistance, wanting any aid from the Alliance to help Tali’s team if needed.

“We’re doing fine, Shepard. There’s a lot of engineers but other than that we’re making progress quickly. Managed to download a few encrypted files from some scrubbed consoles that we can look over when we get back to the  _ Normandy _ ,” Tali explained through Shepard’s omni-tool.

“Good work, let me know if you need help.”

“Likewise.” 

As Tali and her squad were encountering engineers, so was Shepard and her squad. They set up so many turrets Shepard had to do most of her fighting sniping from cover. Kaidan got hit by a barrage trying to shield Shepard as she blindly rounded a corner. She pulled him behind a stack of steel crates right as his shields broke. She hastily applied Medi-gel with her trembling hands; the fear and adrenaline making her visibly shake. It was strange, he was usually sharper but he seemed distracted today. 

“Goddammit, are you okay?” She asked, her voice also unsteady.

Kaidan groaned in response, but nodded.  “I’ve taken worse, Shepard, I’ll be okay.” He assured her. 

His shield cooldown replenished shortly after she finished applying the Medi-gel. She saw the veil of the blue shield surround him like a virtual shroud. Feeling somewhat satisfied Shepard returned to fighting through Cerberus’ defenses. 

Cronos Station started to feel like a monotonous task with the constant barrage of enemy forces and firewalls redirecting and blocking their path. The more time went on, the more anxious Shepard started to become about their odds of retrieving the Prothean VI. Without its knowledge of the Catalyst they would have nothing else but their own militaries to stop the Reapers, a very real fear that Shepard constantly tried to bury. With every new room and console to try and scrounge up data from, it didn’t seem like there was anything about Reapers or this mysterious benefactor that Liara had mentioned before. All that was left was the vids on Project Lazarus, and a vid of technicians and the Illusive Man talking about EDI. Shepard mashed on the keyboards as frantically as she could, hoping for at least some data she could use as leverage against the Illusive Man if needed. Without much success they continued into another room, zeroing in on the central lab as fast as possible.

“Incursion team, are you still with us? We’re limiting fire as best we can!” Hackett’s voice chimed in through Shepard’s omni-tool.

“Admiral, we’re in deep, and the Prothean VI will be in the safest part of the station. Don’t hold back.” Shepard replied, waiting for EDI to hack through another door.

“This isn’t Elysium, Shepard. I don’t need a hero.” 

Shepard grimaced at the reminder of the Skyllian Blitz, and at Hackett’s softened tone. She swallowed hard before replying to the Admiral.

“I’ll be fine. Just take Cerberus down. Please.” 

Hackett seemed to hesitate for a second.

“Understood, Commander. All ships, you are free to fire!”

The sound of artillery explosions from outside the station began to echo and rattle Cronos. 

“Sounds like the Fifth Fleet just gave Cerberus a wake-up call!” Kaidan noted from behind her, his voice high and alert. 

“They’ll get it done.” 

* * *

The Human Reaper still existed, right inside of Cronos station. Shepard leered up at the abomination, merely a husk of its former incomplete self, but intact enough to make a chill run down Shepard’s spine. Seeing it left in a state of construction like the Cerberus scientists were trying to bring it back made her clench her fists at her sides. Kaidan stared up at it in wonderment, not knowing of the horrible organic machine that the Collectors had been building. Shepard wanted to unload all of her bullets into the awful machine, ready to wipe it out of existence for a second time.

“What is this thing?” Kaidan managed to ask, his hand gliding across a coil leading up into the high ceiling that was holding the machine.

“This is the human proto-Reaper Shepard destroyed.” EDI replied matter-of-factly.

“The  _ what _ ?” Kaidan blurted. “I didn’t read about that in any reports.”

“Well I did write reports about it, confirming what happened to all those missing colonists. I wasn’t reinstated to the Alliance yet since I had just turned myself in, so none of it was published,” Shepard gazed back up at the machine, “this is what’s left of it. I’m surprised Cerberus recovered that much from the base.” 

“I wish I could’ve helped.” Kaidan replied guiltily, staring up at the heart of the machine.

Shepard placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“You’re here now, and that’s what counts. Trust me, you wouldn’t have wanted to see this ugly thing move around. It was a pain in the ass to fight…” Shepard shuddered at the horrible memory.

“Cerberus is actively using the surviving pieces.” EDI stated. “The central core- analogous to the heart - is largely intact. I believe Cerberus is using it for a power source.”

“So they’re just willingly letting themselves get indoctrinated?” Shepard deadpanned. 

“Unknown, but I am sure there are some safety measures instilled.” EDI responded. 

Ahead up a flight of stairs, they came to a high up and thinned out clearing. Cerberus Phantoms and a squad of other troops blocked their path as a last stand. Shepard didn’t want to be around the Human Reaper any longer than she needed to, she forced her way past the Phantoms, Nemesis’, and the Assault Troopers, leaving behind a destructive wave of biotics. 

Kaidan was feeling the same uneasiness: “Fighting through this thing makes my skin crawl. It’s like we’re bugs crawling across a sleeping giant.” 

Shepard said nothing, knowing that the feeling of the Human Reaper being somewhat conscious and watching them made her feel queasy. She brushed it off with a brash tone of false bravado, but deep inside the familiarity of an unknown force lurking close and out of sight had been feeling all too real these past few weeks. As she often did, Shepard buried the feelings deep inside and pushed forward, not wanting to announce her true feeling aloud to her squad. Showing any sort of weakness wouldn’t help her situation, not when she was so close to finding out the answer on how to stop the Reapers.

After fighting through the last line of defense, they came across a long corridor. The final stretch to their destination was just ahead. They quickly ran up to the door, and EDI got to work hacking through its firewall right away.

“This is it. Stay sharp, everyone.” Shepard warned.

They entered with their guns drawn. They were greeted with a large, nearly empty and familiar room. The red supergiant Anadius covered the horizon outside the window, along with dozens of ships flying around and fighting each other. The Illusive Man’s chair and hovering console display was bare. Shepard sat in the chair and got to work on the console, feeling strange to be sitting in his chair. EDI assisted in the search trying to find and launch the Prothean VI.

“Shepard. You’re in my chair.” Came a voice suddenly from behind them.

Shepard jumped out of the chair and whipped around, flaring her biotics. She was only greeted with the hologram of the Illusive Man, standing where she had stood holographically so many times during her brief period answering to Cerberus.

“This chair is about the only damn thing you have left. Cerberus is finished.” 

“On the contrary. We have achieved more than I’ve ever imagined.” He replied coolly, taking a puff from his cigarette. “Almost everything.” He added.

“Yeah, we saw what you accomplished on Sanctuary, but it’s not the same as controlling a Reaper.” Shepard mocked.

“A significant hurdle,” he responded casually, not offended, “but thanks to the Prothean VI, I have what I need to make it a reality.” 

“The Catalyst…”

“Yes,” he nodded, taking another drag from his cigarette.

“What is the Catalyst, and how exactly will it help you control the Reapers?”

The Illusive Man frowned, clearly annoyed that she would even try to ask him questions. 

“You’ll have to ask the VI yourself. I’m done helping you.” 

Shepard scoffed, “when did you start?”

“You think because I’m willing to use the enemy’s tactics that they’re no longer my enemy? Everything, Shepard - everything I’ve done has uplifted humanity. Not only above other species in the galaxy, but over the Reapers!"

Shepard thought about what Liara had said about the Illusive Man helping humanity. 

“Like donating a ton of money to the Andromeda Initiative?” Shepard tested, trying to bait him into a confession.

Shepard thought she saw a ghost of a sneer on his lips, but he didn’t budge. In a last ditch attempt at desperation, Shepard pressed on, urging his cooperation.

“If you’re willing to do everything it takes, then hand over the Catalyst. With the Crucible, we can end this.”

She swore, even through the hologram, the Illusive Man’s strange eyes darkened for a moment, like something was coming over him. Shepard wondered for a moment if he had started showing the early signs of indoctrination. 

“It’s not that simple.” He answered.

“It is! It’s that simple! We’re fighting each other while the Reapers occupy Earth. It’s time to stop!” She snapped.

Amused, the Illusive Man tipped his cigarette in her direction like he was tipping a hat. 

“Your idealism is… admirable, Shepard. But in the end our goals are simply too disparate. I believe destroying the Reapers would be the worst mistake we could ever make. And nothing you can say will ever convince me otherwise.”

“Even with Cerberus in ruins, you still think you can do this your way!” Shepard mocked him again, feeling more frustrated than before.

“I expected you’d say that, you never truly believed in us. Cerberus isn’t just an organization or the people behind it. Cerberus is an idea,” he took another long drag of his cigarette, “that idea is not so easily destroyed. Besides, I’ve already acquired what you’re looking for.” 

Shepard peered back at her team, seeing Kaidan’s angry stare and EDI working on the console still.

“EDI?” Shepard inquired.

“I’ve almost got it.” The AI announced.

“EDI, I’m surprised at you, working so hard to bring the Reaper’s destruction. You could’ve destroted Eva’s body, but instead you chose to control it.” The Illusive Man chided.

“It was necessary.”

“My point exactly.” 

“I’ve got it.” EDI announced again, ignoring the Cerberus leader.

The Prothean VI materialized holographically in green pixels, taking the shape of a prothean. 

“Online. Security breach detected.” The VI reported almost immediately.

“Enjoy your little chat, but don’t overstay your welcome.” The Illusive Man warned. 

He turned on his heel then logged off, leaving Shepard with a bad taste in her mouth. She didn’t like how he  _ let  _ them stay and talk to the VI.

“You are attempting to recover me from indoctrinated forces?” The VI questioned.

“Yes, I need to know what the Catalyst is.” Shepard pressed.

“Security protocols have been overridden. I will comply,” it stated simply, “the Catalyst enhanced dark energy transmissions and coordinates the entire mass replay network. In your cycle it is known as the Citadel.”

A hush came over the team with the news. Kaidan and Shepard’s mouths dropped open, while EDI remained emotionless and still. Shepard stepped closer to the VI’s hologram, as if to gage it in telling the truth. 

“What?” Was all she managed to blurt out after a minute of agonizing silence.

“The Catalyst is the Citadel.” It repeated.

“So the Crucible and Citadel together can stop the Reapers?” Shepard asked, still in a state of disbelief. 

“That is correct.”

“But… the Citadel was built by the Reapers.” Shepard replied, uncertainly. 

“Despite what history has recorded, we believe that to be incorrect. Perhaps the Reapers did build it, but the purpose and planning was from something else. As for the Crucible, plans have been passed down to us from the previous cycle, and countless cycles before that. At some point - it is difficult to pinpoint when the Crucible plans were adapted to incorporate the use of the Catalyst. Presumably, the Crucible was not sufficiently powerful to defeat the Reapers.”

“So we use their own technology against them.” EDI summarized.

“Precisely.” The VI agreed.

“Why didn’t you tell me this before?” Shepard asked, trying to hold back her desperation and anger that were filling her voice. She thought of her first encounter with the VI on Thessia.

“It was feared that if the Reapers were aware of the Catalyst’s intended use, they would take control of it. I am programmed to withhold information until the Crucible is complete.”

“It’s ready as it’s going to be. Let’s get it to the Citadel,” Shepard started to back away and signal for Kaidan and EDI to head for the door.

“That may no longer be possible.” The VI added, stopping them in their tracks.

“Why not?”

“The one who broke through my security protocols, the one you call the Illusive Man, has fled to the Citadel and informed the Reapers of our purposes.” 

“God-fucking-dammit!” Shepard bellowed, wanting to drive her fist through something.

“Then the Citadel is in danger, the Reapers will take control of it.” EDI added.

“They already have. The Citadel has been moved to the Reaper controlled space.” The VI informed them.

Groaning, not wanting anymore news, Shepard dared to ask him where. She glanced over at Kaidan, seeing his brows drawn in worry and looking a little paler than usual. It made her gut clench seeing hope leave his eyes.

“To the system you refer to as Sol.” It answered.

“Earth…” Kaidan said aloud grimly.

“The Reaper forces will now consolidate power around the Catalyst and protect it at all costs. The odds of accessing it are remote.” 

“We’ve come too far… we can’t give up now, not when so many are depending on us. I won’t accept it.” Shepard replied shakily, biting her lip to keep it from trembling.

“I hope you find success.” It replied.

“EDI, get me Hackett, he needs-” Shepard began before a laser shot at the Illusive Man’s console, shutting off the Prothean VI. 

They all turned, alarmed to see Kai Leng stalking at the entrance, his hand pointed up in a offensive position. He sneered at the three of them confidently.

“Not so fast.” He said, his tone amused.

“You…” Shepard growled, bloodlust creeping into her senses. 

“He did warn you not to overstay your welcome.” Kai mused.

With a battle cry, Kai smashed the ground, revealing the computers and wires buried beneath the floor. In a flash he was already in front of Shepard, his sword drawn. Shepard used her rifle as a shield, blocking his strikes as he swung at her. The power and resistance she felt from the blade made her elbows buckle slightly, she could feel Kai pushing her back. EDI hit Kai with an Incinerate to throw him off, as Shepard gave him a hard front kick on his chest.

Kaidan shot at him, keeping the Cerberus ninja in his sights. Kai easily flipped and dodged the hits at an inhuman speed. When he jumped it looked like multiple of him appeared, she shook her head to make sure she wasn’t seeing double. He leapt in the air, this time toward EDI who was still close to the console. Shepard materialized a Singularity in his way, causing him to stop short. His shields prevented him from being pulled into the twisting force. Kaidan threw a Warp at him, which made him stumble slightly, but he soon regained his footing. Kai scowled in Kaidan’s direction, dashing at him as quick as lightning. Kai noticed the Medi-gel patch that Shepard had applied on Kaidan earlier, and struck it with his fist. Kaidan keeled over, the wind knocked out of him from the strike. Kai rose his sword, aiming it for the base of Kaidan’s neck.

“Fucker!” Shepard screamed, glowing blue and throwing a powerful Shockwave toward them. 

The force of the Shockwave tore up some of the flooring, throwing debris across the room. Kai had no choice but to jump out of the way, as Kaidan fell backwards to avoid the biotics. Kaidan stood back up, breathing heavily but ready to fight again. Shepard switched to her Geth Plasma shotgun, shooting at him quickly without charging fully. Kai blocked her shots with his sword, swiftly and efficiently. The anger that was bubbling inside Shepard started to turn dark, she could feel it prickle on her skin, her eyes bulging, her fists clenching, her L3 implant surging behind her head. Something seemed to wash over her, a power she hadn’t felt before. Her vision started to go hazy, as did her balance. 

**Give in.**

With a shriek of rage and pain, Shepard shot a stream of biotics at Kai. The blue force smashed into him, sending him flying backward. Kaidan and EDI both froze, looking back at Shepard in astonishment. It felt like something inside Shepard had broke, she could feel warm blood starting to run out of her nose, but she was set on destroying Kai Leng. She leapt forward, her biotics carrying her far with a burst of kinetic energy that left cracks against the floor. She landed beside Kai, who was lying on his back, bewildered. He gripped his sword, attempting to lift it to defend himself. Shepard stomped down hard on Kai’s gut, causing him to lurch forward and cough up blood. It felt like something had snapped and popped beneath Kai’s armor and under her armored boot. Shepard focused her biotic energy into her right hand, gathering dark energy into the palm of her hand. 

“It’s too late… everything is already in motion… y-” Kai rasped, barely able to speak.

“Goodbye."

Shepard drove her fist into the center of his face, caving his skull in. The blast from the impact shot out the floor from under him. Blood and brain matter splattered outward in a gory mess from the back of his head. His facial features were completely obliterated. Shepard removed her fist, her senses flooding back to her. She felt suddenly horribly dizzy, a migraine blooming behind her eyes. Blood continued to run as her L3 implant throbbed painfully. She fell backward, unable to stand up any longer. 

_ That horrible familiar feeling, the darkness… and that voice. Did I…?  _

She peered down at her trembling hands, seeing her right hand soaked with blood and fragments of skull. She felt like she was going to be sick. Kaidan and EDI were talking behind her, and she swore she could hear the rumblings of distant explosions, but everything sounded so muffled and far away. Kaidan was at her side, staring at her wide-eyed, gripping her shoulders and shaking her. He urgently tried to get her attention. Shepard felt herself slipping out of consciousness, her body spent.

She heard Kaidan’s voice calling to her before everything faded into black. 

  
  
  
  
  



End file.
